Taking the Scenic Route

I want to be excited. I want to have that new pregnancy “I have a secret” giggly thing going on, but I just don’t. I ask dh his opinion about delivery/hospital and stuff like that and he is having a hard time because he is under a lot of stress and in the same position I am. He doesn’t want to get too excited and feels like he will jinx it if we talk about a baby as if it is already a ’sure thing’

The reason I want to talk about VBAC vs scheduled C at this point is because the dr I really love and have been going to since 1983 works at a smaller town hospital which is just wonderful, but does not allow VBACS. (that is the dr I am going to on Fri) I can not go to the birth center around here with a previous C, and the only place that will allow a VBAC is the major hospital. Nothing against the major hospital, but I don’t know any of the drs. there and have had mixed experiences with that hospital. I also know, in my heart, that as much as I want a VBAC, I don’t think it is physically possible. I was only 4 lbs at birth and some things, including my pelvis, just didn’t develop quite right. DS was 9lbs6.3oz and there was no way on earth he would have fit out of my narrow pelvis even if he hadn’t been crooked. Physically impossible. I labored hard for over 24 hours and never got past 2 or 3, and the station was always negative. I would have to have a much smaller baby to even have a shot at it.

I finally called my mom to see if she could watch ds during the dr. appointment. I wasn’t going to tell her yet, but realized she was sounding fairly stressed out wondering what was wrong that I needed to see a dr. for. Knowing it was an early pregnancy consult helped a little, but she is still worried about us.