Taking the Scenic Route

Videos of the three songs the kids did with the children’s choir in church this morning.  Zora was belting the songs out at home, but got shy in front of the crowd.  I have a feeling that will go away soon though, given her personality.

Forgive the camera work…I was trying to watch it live while shooting the video with my camera, and that doesn’t always work well.

Meet Me on the Mountain

Obey My Voice

Come Walk With Us

Both of them are less than seasoned performers, to say the least, but I am so glad they are getting the experience. It drives me a little crazy that my two are the wiggliest ones up there though, but I should expect it given their genes.

The kids really enjoyed VBS this year.  Zach and I were only there for the last day (to help watch kids on the blow up waterslide, for safety), but both kids came home happy and tired each morning, and Zora even took a few naps this week.

Zane had a jr. high girl that hung out with him all week to help him, and I was so thankful.

The group in the sanctuary, there were about 30ish kids this year, a group size that works so much better than the enormous group at the other church last year.   They did several hands on service projects, one of which was making backpacks with hygiene supplies (for Youthville) and a pillow, and it took a lot of explaining to get both kids to understand that they weren’t taking them home with us.  Early in the week I didn’t know what the project was, but I was pretty sure that they weren’t going to bringing home the toothbrushes, soap, and “special backpack” they kept talking about.  I was very glad to see a variety of projects like that because it stimulated a lot of good conversations this week.

The one project that we were there for was writing cards to send in care packages to soldiers.  (and I plan on taking pictures of the other crafts, but my camera batteries need to be recharged first, so it will be another post)

This is Zora’s card:

And this is Zane’s card.  It tickled me.  (it is a stickman style maze/obstacle course, including an exit)

And some crafts from the week:

And, for the final hurrah, the waterslide

The remarkable thing about this picture is that it isn’t as remarkable as it once was.  Zane standing in line, something I wasn’t sure if I would ever see a short while ago.  It’s those little invisible victories that make life so great.

The big kids helping the littler ones up the slippery stairs.

And when did my girl sprout legs like that?  She is growing so fast.

Zane struggled to get up there, but he was so happy at every step.

Taking a break to enjoy some birthday cake.  There were a handful of birthdays this week, and both of my little stinkers tried to claim it was their birthdays too.  (both are fairly obsessed with birthdays and parties right now). 

I love this church.  I am finally starting to feel like a member of the community there.

Every year in my memory the church I grew up in has had a Mission Supper. My parents are pretty much always heavily involved with it, and this year is no exception. The simple fact that my mom was focused on the event, led to the first time we have ever totally surprised her. I told her earlier that I doubted we would make it, because I am sneaky like that. We came at the end so that she would have more opportunity to sit down with us and we could help clean up afterward. (I have so many memories of being one of the last families to leave and helping clean up after events like that…it was part of our family culture).

Every year the Mission Supper raises donations for a specific project, usually something to physically help a group in impoverished areas. (rather than evangelical stuff) This year’s project is really awesome: Personal Energy Transportation They raised enough to send 30-something vehicles to areas of need.

Now to the fun. We actually, genuinely surprised her. A major feat because she always guesses something is up, even when she doesn’t know what. This time it never even crossed her mind. It was worth it when we saw her face.

Zane did pretty well, given the loudness and number of people. On a side note, in the background of this shot, that guy in the blue shirt is special to me. He was a good friend of my maternal grandpa, ornery as anything, and a regular at the restaurant where I had my first job. He goaded my grandpa into giving the first (and I think only) tip he ever gave a waitress to tip me after a meal. He was instrumental in encouraging a shy, very sweet guy who had a crush on my friend to actually talk to her. They are happily married with kids now. He is one of those guys that just makes everybody around him feel happy and cared about. I hadn’t seen him in probably 20 years, but it was like old times when we started teasing each other again.

After the meal, Zach and Zane went out to the farm because Zach needed to diagnose the computer issues they were having. (Computer was dead and would not be revived without stupid amounts of money…better to just get a new one). Zora stayed with me and we helped clean up. It was good to see Zora happily helping and made me feel like all the extra effort I go through to teach her how to help was worth it, despite the fact it can make life a lot more frustrating in the moment. Here she is helping “Uncle ‘teve” with the donation cans.

After the work was done, it was funny to see the kids playing the same games, with the same setting, as I did as a kid. The church basement can be opened up for events like this, but in regular use, there are series of heavy curtain walls that are pulled together to create a bunch of “rooms” for adult Sunday School discussion groups. Just like we did, the “rooms” became houses, and time was spent running around them. Zane, on the other hand, was just interested in how the curtain moved on the rails.

The Christmas Pagent at Church was after the worship service this Sunday. My parents and brother all came up to go to the church service (we were having an orchestra and choral music “Moods of Christmas” thing…our church has a lot of professional musicians and it is just spectacular when they do stuff like this) and to watch the kids at their first ever Christmas Pagent.

Honestly, my kids were the most challenging; Zora because she was the youngest (and pretty spirited too), and Zane because it was chaotic and difficult for him. However, both of them made it through with no meltdowns and I am happy that they were able to participate. I was really impressed by the other kids who helped my kids out so much by taking their hands and helping direct them when they couldn’t figure out their cues very well. I really like this group of kids a lot and am continually impressed with their maturity and acceptance.

They were absolutely adorable in their costumes. Somehow the scrape on Zora’s chin just seemed to add to the ironic charm of her costume.

Gathering around for “Away in the Manger”. In rehearsal that morning Zora was quite upset when they took away baby Jesus to reset the scene and wanted to know “Where Baby Jesus?” over and over.

After this scene is when they are supposed to line back up, ready to sing “Joy to the World” and “Christmas Truth”, but this is where my pair went off script. Zora wouldn’t leave baby Jesus and was in the back, guarding the manger, and Zane’s headpiece came undone, and he tried to get it back on his head but couldn’t get the headband on it and it kept falling off his head (looked like a dinner napkin on his head at this point). This disoriented him and he started walking across the stage, up to the second microphone, and was just starting to talk into the microphone as I reached him, took his headpiece and told him to “go back to your x” in his ear (we had an “x” marked on the stage where he was supposed to stand). He did (thank goodness), and the play ended just fine (the leads were focused enough that they didn’t seem affected by Zane’s detour)…welll, except that Zora stood in between the lines (one of the older girls had gotten her away from the manger, but she wouldn’t go back up to where her “spot” was), but she was singing and doing the actions. If I would have had a camera, I could have gotten great pictures of her singing from side stage. lol.

edited to add: a link to mom’s account of the day: Littlest Angel

First, gotta say, I love this new church. Sort of sad that I post less about church now that I am happy. Human nature I guess.

This Sunday the children’s choir sang. I was debating up until the last minute whether to go with Zane to the front or stay in the back. I want him to be able to handle it independently, but it really isn’t fair to him to have his first “being up front and singing” (well, on purpose at least) on the Sunday the church is as packed to the gills(the church’s 25th anniversary and they had special speakers, etc…there were people standing in the lobby when the seats ran out). So, I followed the group up there. Zane was on the end of the front row, so I could sit right up front (there is a banister in front of the front row of pews) that can sort of hide me, plus, the kids were up on the steps, so even when I was sitting down there, I wasn’t blocking anybody at all.

I wish I could say that all the work we did on the music (and all of hours of earworms for Zach and me) meant he just stood there and sang like everybody else (a mom can have fantasies, can’t I?), but I will say he didn’t run away, he stopped trying to blow out the alter candle once I told him to stop doing that (and the breath taking moment when he used the sheet music to “point” to the candle and was within an inch of catching it on fire…that caused my stealthy movements to change to a quick jump up. lol), he stayed in the same spot and only turned to the side a few times, and he did actually sing every once in a while (big YEAH! to that). He also didn’t flap or screech that I can recall, which he doesn’t do a lot normally, but can when he is overstimulated…so it was a big possiblity in this situation. He also smiled and seemed to really enjoy it, which made the whole thing worth it to me.

Overall, a success. Not a fireworks exploding success, but a great step never-the-less. I was literally dripping sweat by the time the kids walked back out of the church to their Sunday School from nerves, trying to remain unobtrusive to the people behind me, and the constant juggle of trying to decide if something is distracting enough to cause further distraction by refocusing him.

On a very cool note, I was approached by one of the Sunday School people who said there was a teen daughter of somebody who works with kids of SNs professionally who asked if she could come help out in his Sunday School classes and was putting out feelers wondering if I might need a babysitter. WOOHOO! The young lady who does the kid’s music is getting her certification to work in intergrated classrooms, which, combined with the relatively small group (there are 15-20 kids ranging from Pre-K to 5th grade instead of 20-30 kids the same age as Zane) really makes it a much better experience. I am SO glad we changed to this church. Not only are the adults enjoying it so much more, both of the kids seem to be doing better too.

Zane woke up Sunday morning out of sorts, so I called the church to let them know we weren’t going to make it. (He has a “para” person that meets him, so we can’t just not show up). Since Zora was rarin’ to go, we decided that I would stay home with Zane and Zach would take Zora to the nearby church that we used to go to (and loved, but it was when the autism dx was brand new and we didn’t know how to make it work and were afraid to ask).

Unlike the last 8 months, Zach enjoyed the sermon and service so much, he actually called me from the parking lot to tell me about it (keep in mind, the church is less than a mile away). It really brought to head how incredibly disappointing the experience at the MB church has been.

Instead of walking out of church feeling spiritually renewed and excited and ready to meet the challenges of life, we would walk out feeling irritable, frustrated, and like we wanted both showers to get the ickies off and a nap to recover. The worst part is that I was in denial that it just wasn’t going well for Zane, the only thing that was keeping us there after a few weeks. We have been there long enough that he should have looked more engaged and excited, but he still had the flat affect and did not seem to be enjoying it at all. Zora is like I was as a child, and as long as there are people there, she is ok, but honestly, I have seen her more excited to go to Zane’s therapy as she was to go to church, and that isn’t really what I want for her either.

With the exception of one sermon series on Jacob, which had interesting pieces here and there, the sermons were rather empty of substance. They were NOTHING like the Mennonite churches I grew up with and pretty much exemplified every stereotypical negative about an Evangelical Right Wing church you can imagine, right down to the “Focus on the Family” hate mail propaganda in the mailbox.

Last week, I had a glimmer of hope when the pastor said something about the Muslim community beginning Ramadom and that we should pray for them. My face lit up…was I seeing actual compassion for Muslims in war torn communities and facing so much prejudice here in the US? Uh, no. When I got to my mailbox after church I saw the ‘prayer calendar’. It is a nice concept…everybody praying for a particular person/group/country at the same time, but the prayers, just ugh. Every day had a different city and country and we were supposed to pray that they see the error of their ways and come to Jesus. You have GOT to be kidding. THIS is what they pray about? How self centered and self righteous can you possibly be? I so don’t belong there.

Seeing the church we like has not changed, despite the death of the beloved pastor, made me hungry for that fellowship and interaction again. It also made me hungry for real music, not this “lets sing the same phrase over and over again with no harmony” stuff (I am a tenor/contra alto…I squeak trying to push out soprano), to hear a sermon that uses three syllable words and assumes a level of cultural and biblical literacy, a church bulletin that actually explains what is going on instead of just slick marketing material, and a service that feels like a fellowship instead of a stage show. I know, for a fact, I can not take one single Sunday more of “6000 year old earth” crap, “if you don’t spank your children you are disobeying God” stupidity, and listening to regular slams to how horrible liberals are. I certainly won’t miss running into that school social worker that was so evil and/or incompetent that it pushed me towards homeschooling, who seemed oblivious to how much she destroyed my faith in human beings for a while and still makes me distrust schools. I also won’t miss the long drive there on Sundays. The church we are moving to is less than a mile away and that means we will be able to participate in the events during the week too, not just Sunday morning.

I will miss seeing a few high school friends I hadn’t seen in decades. I will still be seeing the other family (the ones who invited me) with the autistic twins at therapies and events for the autistic community and homeschooling community and I hope she and I can still be friends because, despite our differences, there are still a lot of similarities between us.

Now the hard part. I am expecting a call back from the children’s minister/sunday school person to talk about what we can do to help make this a better situation for Zane. Frankly, even if Zach and I have to take turns being a para to Zane, seeing the sermon every other week is still far better than hearing the MB sermons every week. lol. I need to try and find the phone numbers of the people that worked with Zane at the MB church. I do appreciate the effort, but it just isn’t working for us. I know that all the numbers I need are locked inside the computer that died, and not sure how many of them I will be able to find. *sigh*

Zora made this. The reason it looks so beat up is because she keeps carrying it around with her.

I helped Zane make the basket. He understood how to do it, but didn’t have the fine motor skills to really do it well. He directed me when he wasn’t doing it.

The woven mat Zane did totally on his own. Very cool craft for him.

As I predicted, Zane would do a lot better at VBS about the time it was going to end. lol.  He had a good day today.  He loves the singing and doing the actions to the songs, had a great time participating in a game of duck, duck, goose, fed a goat, played with some clay and generally had a good day. 

Speech therapy this afternoon was like the same old Zane again too.  The ST was prepared for another meltdown, but he was back to normal again.  A good thing.  In ST he did an experiment and participated well in the games and such.  When we went to pick up Zach, both kids chanted “DADDY!” in the back seat every time we drove past his building (I had to make loops waiting for him to appear because the loading zone was occupied by other cars). 

The only meltdown of the day was the quick diaper change after picking up dad and before going to his evening speech.  He also unbuckled his seat belt on the way there and I had to pull over to refasten it when he refused, but even though he was complaining about the seatbelt, he was mostly fine once we got there, and in a good mood again once in the ST’s room. 

We are all now home and happy.  I am glad he had a better day, but I am also very glad the week is over.  I think I am going to order the CD from the VBS program because he really seemed to like them. 

I couldn’t possible manage my regular camera during the bible school, but I did have my phone camera and would occasionally remember that it existed and take a picture.  So, here are a few pictures, although none of them are great.

Doing actions with the singing

Waiting with the group for the game activities to begin

Playing a game (the one I talked about yesterday)

Watching the weavers and spinners

Noticed the ticker this morning and laughed.  Looked at it again after bible school and it seemed appropriate. 

As I was pulling out the drive way this morning, when I turned, something sharp cramped in my back.  Shooting pain.  I didn’t have any ibuprofen on me either.  My dear husband put his warm hand on the spot and I really tried to relax my back as much as I could.  Not a great start.  After I drop Zach off I take the kids to breakfast.  (this week was the first time Zora has seen a McDonalds, the 2nd or 3rd time for Zane…one of which was meeting Bede and his family at a playdate years ago…not because of some ethical issue like other boycotts, but because it is nasty.  lol).  I got everything ready for the kids and went to sip the coffee and about passed out from pain as it hit “the” tooth (The same one that started giving me problems about 2 days after our insurance ran out)  Yeah me.   At least I didn’t spill the coffee today…I didn’t realize how flimsy the trays were yesterday and tried to grab it with one hand…the former waitress in me was horrified.

There were some really good moments today.  He loves the singing part and did a pretty good job of doing the actions along with the song.  He did a great job when they played a game sort of like musical chairs…you walk around a circle on rug squares with numbers on them.  When they stop the music, they call out a name, and if you are standing on the number, you go get some candy.  Not only did he do it with almost no prompting, but he didn’t complain when others won, and he went to get the candy when they called his number.  I was proud of him. 

During craft time I started to smell something.  Lovely.  Ended up having to go out to the car to change his pants after that one.  We went back and had snack and he didn’t want to eat the grapes and apples, two of his favorite things, which is very weird for him.  After snack is story time, but I had decided that we weren’t going to attempt story time (he knows as soon as he hits the room that it is just story/sitting and listening time and I saw an actor dragging a cross around the hallway earlier when going for the diaper change and realized that it was probably supposed to be more solemn today…not a good mix with a boy who will fight being in the room.)  That turned out to be a great decision.  While we were sitting there watching the weavers (and actually helping her spin bobbins) I heard, then smelled something very, very bad.  Even worse than the first time.  It was liquid and horrid.  I got him changed, he was screaming because it was hurting him, so we just went and got Zora and left.  It was almost time to go anyway by the time I got him changed.

I decided to just pick up Zach for lunch and go home so that he could drive himself back from work later.  Originally I was thinking of going to Exploration Place in the afternoon before picking up Zach, but Zane needed to be home more, and I don’t want to deal with diapers like that in public if I don’t have to. 

Back home now.  I have Ibuprofen in me, Zane is happily watching some Mario Bros. videos and Zora is playing in the playroom and occasionally bugging Zane (I hear playing noises, abruptly interrupted by “No Zora!” and “Mine!” and such.  lol.)  So, back to normal.  I am achy, but it is manageable, Zane seems comfortable and happy.  (love Butt Paste…miracle butt protector). Zora took a nap in the car, but won’t go back to sleep and I am now at the threshold where I hope she doesn’t fall asleep any more because it will interfere with nighttime sleep.

The vacation bible school theme is about the streets of Jerusalem.  So far, they had the Palm entrance (Palm Sunday on the Christian Calendar) and today they were talking about the Seder and Passover meal, leading into the Last Supper and what communion is about.  (I thought for a minute there they were going to actually serve communion, but thankfully they stopped short of that). 

Every day they have market place tents set up showing different trades and skills of the day, with an activity the kids can participate in.  (like pounding nails into wood at the carpenter shop, making a necklace with some beads at the merchant, smelling and touching the herbs (or grinding some with a mortar and pestle) at the food stand, etc) and almost everyone is in costume.   It is pretty cool.  They also have games outside that don’t really keep with the theme, but provide some much needed active time.  They divide the kids up into groups named for the 12 tribes.  I was hoping to be in Zebulon’s tribe (it was in consideration when we named Zane), but, alas, we are in Joseph’s.  lol.  When we have snack, they have a mezuzah and were explaining that it was used in Jesus’ time and you are supposed to kiss your fingers and touch it when you enter your home  (Isn’t that still done?  I was thinking that I had seen those at friend’s houses, but maybe I just have weird friends. ) and we pretended to enter and exit our “home” (blanket on the ground) where we ate.

The snack today was a large piece of matzo with cheddar cheese on it.  I sort of giggled inside at the use of cheddar, but considering the weirded out reactions to the matzo cracker, I understand why they didn’t go with goat cheese or something like that.  The funny thing was that I was the only person in the group that knew what it was.  (and could pronounce it).  I explained that it was unleavened bread (and then explained what that meant), but they were a little hesitant until I said it was basically a big cracker with cheese.  lol.  Zane, of course, dug right in.  Matzo was not unfamiliar to him, although I don’t think I have ever put cheddar on it.  (was good though). 

The part that made me duck behind Zane to conceal my giggles though was when they were doing the story time.  To set the scene a little…it wasn’t going well at all for Zane and I at this point.  He had done really well in all of the other activities, but this was the last thing of the day and it is the story time.  When they sat a big plate of food in front of him and he wasn’t allowed to eat it as he wanted, it wasn’t pretty.  They were going through what each item was on the plate and it’s symbolic meaning.  I wish the meat would have been sooner because that is what was causing the ruckus.  (grunts and yells of protest, me wrapping myself around him to keep him from lunging at the meat, with him protesting loudly) and when they FINALLY got to the meat, she asked the kids what kind of meat they thought it was.  A few kids offered “beef”, and after a “no”, a whole group of them yelled out “PORK! and PIG!”.  Maybe it was because of the absurdity of trying to keep Zane from diving into the plate, but that just made me choke back laughter.  None of them could come up with what it was, so I finally asked what the shepherds did in the bible, which finally lead to saying sheep/lamb.  Finally, a right answer, so everyone could taste the meat and I could let go of Crazy Boy and he could have a bite.  I was impressed that he only took a small bit instead of grabbing it all in his hand.  I tell you what….THAT is progress my friends.  The funny thing was that only one other boy (the one who bravely downed the horseradish) was willing to try it, so Zane got most of it any way.  lol. 

The rest of the day

Not great.  (understatement)

We had time between bible school and speech therapy to eat and change diapers, and not much else.  Zane wanted to play his Nintendo DS and was not listening when I gave him the warning countdown that he needed to save the game and close it up.  Right before we were ready to go out the door, I had to change one more diaper while telling Zane that he needed to shut down the game NOW.  Still not listening, so I took it out of his hand, closed it, and put it up high.  (something I almost never do because it is not good for anybody…but I was hoping that the meltdown would resolve itself on the trip to ST so he had time to pull himself together before ST).  Well, it didn’t go well.  It was like a cartoon character trying to get through doorways.  He was screaming, I was carrying, he was expanding his body and limbs so that it was a major feat to cross a threshold. 

It wasn’t over when we pulled up to ST (late I might add, because of the drama of getting him out of the house and wedging him into the car and trying to snap the carseat straps shut with every ounce of strength I had).  He wouldn’t get out of the car.  Once out of the carseat he dived towards Zora’s side of the car and I had to drag him out of the car too (with the same uncanny ability to make himself too big to get out the door).  As I carried the full blown meltdown to the door, I see the face of the student speech therapist who was waiting for him. (terror) I got him in the front door, told her I had to go get Zora out of the car and that if she needed to pick him up she had my permission.  I went back to retrieve Zora and some change for vending machines (planning on a cookie bribe to get her to come into the observation room that she hates) and got back to the door…she hadn’t even made it halfway across the lobby with him.  I told him that he needed to stand up and walk, or we were going to carry him.  He refused, and she picked him up (I was carrying Zora).  I went down the hall with her just in case she lost control and to open the door for her. 

When I opened the door the clinical educator was wide eyed and commented that she couldn’t believe that was Zane (that she heard yelling all the way down the hallway) because he has never done that in the 2 years he has been going there.  I knew she was going to be able to handle him just fine (and he did calm down fairly quickly), but I also knew I needed to let her know what sparked it all so that she had something to work with. 

I was able to see most of the ST with the cookie bribe.  I managed to miss the biggest dramatics though while getting another bag of cookies for Zora and then convincing her to come back into the room.  (I almost never use bribes of any kind, but I was at that point today).  Apparently, on the list of things to do today was to help him deal with losing a game.  The poor ST student…can you imagine having a start like that and then finding out that you still have to let him lose the game if that is how it goes (he is playing another autistic girl and they are working on playing games and sportsmanship) and then seeing that he was, indeed, going to lose.  She got a trial by fire today, but the Clinical Educator worked really closely with both of them to help pull out PECs cards to help him identify and express emotions a bit better.  He still had a really rough time, but was able to pull it back together again. 

I HATE HATE HATE days like this.  I hate seeing him upset and it just hurts so badly to see him struggling so hard.  He was smiling through more of the session than not, but it was still hard. 

It was easier getting them back into the car than it was getting them out, but I knew there was no way I wanted a repeat scene of earlier and I had about the same window of time.  I decided to go to downtown and stop by Exploration Place (we were wanting a family membership again anyway) since it was near where Zach was working.   I got down there and look in the back seat to see both kids fast asleep in the carseats.  Not a huge surprise with Zora, but seeing Zane asleep is a rarity these days.  He was REALLY worn out.  I parked under a tree, opened the windows, and dug Zane’s maze book out of his backpack and read it while they snoozed.  Eventually they woke up and we still had about a half hour to kill, so we got a new membership and looked in one wing of the building and then went to get Zach from work. 

The evening

better.  Zach grilled some burgers, Zane is playing his Nintendo DS, Zora is playing independently.  Robert stopped by after supper and we will watch a movie with him as soon as I get off the computer and get the kids to bed.