Taking the Scenic Route

You might be a right wing Republican if …

• you have bumper stickers that read “nuke his ass” next to “I support life.”

• you believe less ozone is better for a quicker tan.

• you support the AK-47’s becoming legal. “It’ll keep them doughnut eating cops on their toes.”

• you think acid rain helps cleans your driveway.

• you believe “smok ‘em out” is written in foreign policy.

• your rifle gets more fondling than your wife.

• you think no child left behind is a new bus service to the KKK rally.

• you use “uh” as the seventh vowel.

• you think Bush is the closest thing to God because of his ability to cause an apocalypse.

• you think David Duke is from Hazzard County.

• you are encouraged by Bush’s C+ average scholastic history. “Gee, even you could rule the free world.”

• you think ‘Hail to the Chief’ would sound better being played on a steel guitar.

• you confuse Stephanopoulos with Snuffagolpolus.

• you believe Jesse Jackson is the anti-Christ and Jerry Falwell should be referred to “his popeness.”

• you are certain Bush has created jobs because you have three to pay for your heat bill.

• you think “Dueling Banjos” should be the prelude for every press conference.

• you thought “need some wood” in the debates promoted Viagra.

• you believe the Iraqi elections will be fair just like ours.

• you are against gay marriage but have no problem marrying your cousin.

• you believe it was Clinton’s fault for leaving to much money to play with.

• you think Colin Powell should be replaced by Cooter.

• you think Martin Luther King is the guy who built your street.

• you blame Clinton for having jobs to lose.

• you hate Michael Moore so much your thermostats read in Celsius.

• you think mercury in your fish adds flavor.

• you think the Republican Party likes you for more than your money.
  

The Republican National Committee announced that the Republican Party is changing its emblem from an elephant to a condom.  The Nation Chairman explained that the condom more clearly reflects the party’s stance today, because a condom accepts inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you  a sence of security while you are being screwed.