Sunday August 19, 2007
I know that I get more testy in public than I do in private because it is a lot more stressful to deal with not only a SN child, and a toddler hellbent on destruction, and doing it in an unfamiliar environment than it can ever be at home. Dh, who is the gentlest soul on the planet when we are home or in another very familiar environment, is on edge in public and more likely to say things that are more harsh than I ever hear at home.
I get so sick of that assumption and I wanted to speak up. It is judgemental and wrong.
At home I have the resources to deal with meltdowns. I have quiet rooms where I can turn off lights, and I have food and water available, and they can be naked or at least barefoot.At home I don’t have people with stinky perfume, talking loudly, bumping into me. I don’t have people looking at me. There are boundaries that the kids can’t run past and get lost, run over, injured, or taken.At home there are no strangers making nasty comments, there are no lines, and if you have to wait, there is something you can do to entertain yourself.
At home I can do things at a pace that accommodates everybody’s needs and abilities. If I am going too fast, we can take a break, or shift gears.
At home I can, to a degree, control the ‘weather’. If the temperature is uncomfortable, I can turn on the A/C or furnace, I can put water on to boil if it is too dry, I can put everybody in the tub or sprinklers if they are too hot.
At home I am not judged, I am not criticized, I get no unsolicited advice, I have time to wait for my son to find his words without others getting up in arms. At home I never hear anybody telling me I should spank my child.
If anybody wonders why I am a much better mom at home, they need to think about the difference in the challenges I face when I am not at home.
Amen. And my kids aren’t even SN.
No wonder I prefer being a hermit at this point in life – going out is just too much of a pain.
/applause
So true…you should publish that! Listen to your heart. You know what’s best for your children.
Well said! I agree 100%. The pressure to make my children perform and be someone else’s idea of perfect is what keeps me at home so much. What a shame that we can’t all support one another more and judge less.
Very true! I’m glad you spoke up.
An excellent point that can apply to all types of parenting-in-public situations! I often think that people in public must think I’m a frazzled harried harsh snappy mom… when really it is the situation that so often brings that out. It is so much easier to just stay home where everyone can be happy
Preach It Sister!!!
I totally agree! People need to mind their own business and not worry about what your kids are doing. I hate people that stare. Most of the time, people that don’t have kids, I feel certain!