Taking the Scenic Route

ok, one more quick entry.  I will have to redo later, but I see the meme going around “5 simple pleasures” and today this is my list:

1. sitting on the toilet and *just* peeing.  no trying to catch in a container, not acrobatics around my belly to hold said container
2. going to the bathroom whenever I want, without having an entire routine attached to it
3. along the same lines…going when I want without trying to decide if it is worth it yet
4. not being totally annoyed when I just dribble
5. not trying to pee with a boy outside the door going ballistic because I have locked the door

When your only allowed ‘activity’ is going to the bathroom, how that happens suddenly becomes a major part of your life.

This will be short because my hands are really giving me fits today.

Funny acrobat baby thinks she wants to live under my right armpit instead of in front like a normal baby.  Every once in a while she wanders over to the right so far it makes my stomach look hilarious.  If you poke along the midline of my body, you can’t feel baby, but you can feel her body clear over on the right side under my elbow.  I have to get on my hands and knees to get her to move back.  It is really strange.

Zane:  Want Orange Juice

Zach or Me:  No Zane, that is NOT juice.  Put that back. 

*repeat a few times*

Zane:  But I want JUICE

Zach or Me:  How about Soy milk…water…chocolate milk…No, honey, *that* is not juice, TRUST ME

*tantrum ensues as he once again reaches for the bottle*

Zach or Me:  NO.  I said NO.  Stay out of the fridge.   

Weird day today.  I have a jug of pee in the fridge.  I also have found that trying to pee into a container really presents some interesting logistical problems for pregnant people. 

I also have a blood pressure monitor today.  My mom put money on my Wal-mart card last night and Zach promptly started looking at reviews of monitors and went to the store to bring one home.  Thankfully, he also bought an extra large cuff because I am just the tiniest bit to big for the normal one.  I can get it on, but it has to be a half inch higher on my arm than the normal cuff will allow it to be.  I feel less stressed out about this whole deal because my blood pressure is reading lower than it did in the office.  It is still higher than my norm, but not as bad.  It is helping me relax.  I will take it to the office with me tomorrow and see if it is calibrated to their machines and that it is accurate.  I do a lot better mentally when I have a clue what is going on.  That way I also have a clue if my headache or tiredness is just being pregnant, or a warning sign.  That is nice.  If I didn’t have the cuff, I have a feeling I would be driving my cousin absolutely insane.  He is a Physician’s Assistant and lives about a mile from me.  They also just brought their own newborn home, so I suspect that asking him to take my blood pressure all the time would get old pretty quick.  lol. 

One rather funny note…I did not realize how much water I drank.  I am supposed to make sure I get at least 10 8 oz glasses of water a day according to the test instructions.  At this rate, I am going to meet that amount before naptime, much less bed time. 

A rather long, but thought provoking article:  The myth of overspending in the middle class

A few observations in my own experience on some of these issues

• I am not that surprised that clothing is cheaper now than it was in the 70s, for the simple fact that you used to be able to save money by sewing & knitting your own clothes.  Now, making your own clothes is more of a hobby that costs a bit more, but is done primarily for pleasure.  This isn’t always true, especially for specialty items (like diaper soakers for instance…purchasing them is usually in the $30-40+ range, but making them with new handpainted yarn is around $10-15, and can be a lot less if you have the patience to recycle yarn from old sweaters).  In general, though, it is cheaper to buy ready-made items than it is to make them.  I would argue with their ascertation that shoes are cheaper, but that is because we can’t get ‘off the rack’ shoes in our family, especially for Zane and me, who both have really wide feet.  We actually do have to go to the Stride Rite store to get him shoes (and occasionally have to special order them because they don’t have a wide enough width in stock), and I only wear Birkis because it is the only thing I have found that fits and lasts without making me miserable.  Both are pricey.
• Toys, on the other hand, are defiantly much, much cheaper than they were when I was a kid.  Heck, Barbie dolls are the same price as they were when I was saving my $.25/week allowance as a kid.  Some of the Barbies are actually cheaper today, a HUGE price difference when you take into account inflation.  I think that a lot of the Waldorf & other specialty wood / environmentally conscious / fair trade toys are much more in line with the prices of the 70s relative to incomes.  I certainly know that if that was all that was available, Zane would have an amount of toys more similar to what I had.  I am glad toys are cheaper because Zane doesn’t have access to even a backyard, much less a farm, to play every day the way I was able to.  That makes a huge difference.  I also like that books are more accessible.  I might not always be able to get him the hard cover, but at least it is still available in cheaper formats. 
• I really think that the two biggest impacts on spending for families now days is a combination of insurance and medical costs.  It costs more to pay a co-pay for a Dr.’s appointment today than a day of in-patient room costs in a hospital when I was a kid.  Zane’s birth was around 30K.  No nursery or NICU care in that either.  A few weeks later I was back in the hospital with an emergency gall bladder surgery for around $20K.  Insane.  Our insurance covered it, but we were paying $800/month for medical insurance.  There is NO WAY we could pay that now.  Not only is health insurance costing more and covering less, but we have to have almost everything else insured up the wazoo.  Our houses, our furnishings, separate insurances for things like floods, auto liability, auto comprehensive, separate auto if used for work, long term disability, and on and on.  And if something happens and you aren’t insured, you will get criticized for being irresponsible, whether there was money there to pay it in the first place or not.  If we were fully insured, the amount would exceed our income right now.  No food, no rent, no utilities, just insurance (not even including medical here)  Granted, we aren’t even close to middle class, which is what the article is referring to, but I can sure see why middle class isn’t the dream life it once was.  It just looks really good from where we stand now. 

11:44am 126/85 P 68

3:51pm  128/78 P 62

technically Sept.5

12:30am 130/85 P63

I guess we have technically been ‘quiverful’ to this point in our marriage.  I was on birth control pills from 13 years old until a few months before we got married to treat endometriosis, but not for birth control.  We started trying to conceive on our wedding night and we haven’t used any form of birth control to prevent pregnancy during our marriage.  (used NFP to try and achieve pregnancy, but not prevent). 

For the first time in my life I uttered the words “after the baby is born, we will need to discuss birth control”.  I can not do this again until, at the very least, I am in much better shape.  Right now I am not sure if I ever want to do this again.  This has not been a fun pregnancy.  It is better than the miscarriages, but every time I get pregnant, the risk of miscarriage is so high for me that it almost doesn’t seem ‘worth it’ to possibly waste my time and do that to my body on a ‘maybe’.  That doesn’t even touch the mental stress.  It is a hard thing to have miscarriages.  You get through, but I don’t think your heart ever heals entirely.  I spend the first 6 months of my pregnancy not even sure if I am going to actually have a baby in the end, and then the last few months trying to shop & prepare, but still not convinced everything will be ok.  I just know too many things that can go wrong.  The probable pre-e dx today was not a surprise to me, but is really heavy on my mind.  My body is not good at this.  Two viable pregancies (including this one) out of ten pregancies is not a great track record. 

A boy and a girl seems ok right now.  Zach and I both wanted a bigger family, but I don’t know if I can lose another 9 months of being a less that great (ok, pretty crappy IMO) parent to add to our family.  It is hard enough with one, I don’t know if I could do it again with two.  Maybe adoption if we really feel like our family isn’t complete, but I know it can’t be through pregnancy any time soon.  It is too much, both physically and mentally to us.  The pregnancy sucks, the delivery sucks, and it won’t really get much better until about 6 weeks out when I can move again after the c-section.

I have never had to think about birth control.  It is very foreign to me.  I don’t even know what is out there really, nor do I know the side effects.  Since I was 12-13 everything having to do with my fertility was geared towards maintaining fertility and trying to acheive pregancy.  That is 22+ years.  That is a big chunk of my life.  My brain almost can’t comprehend trying to prevent pregnancy.

It could be much worse, but I didn’t get good news today.  The level of protein spill in my urine is high enough now that they are thinking pre-eclampsia.  I have had some protein in my urine the last few times, but it was high enough this time to warrant the more definitive “collect your urine for 24 hours” test.  My blood pressure has been going up over the last few weeks.  This week it is borderline, just under the ‘high’ level.  Normally my blood pressure is abnormally low, so it is quite high for me.  (I have more problems with getting dizzy when I stand up too quick because my blood pressure is low, even being overweight.  When I am in shape, I have problems passing out if I stand up too quickly).  I am also swelling a bit.  However, I am not having weight gain, which is usually a major symptom.  Of course, I am still nauseated and not able to eat large amounts either and I didn’t gain weight during Zane’s pregnancy either even though I wasn’t nauseated during that pregnancy.  (I was within 2 lbs at delivery from conception). 

This weekend the Christmas caroling at the nursing homes is canceled for me.  I am on bedrest again, and I don’t feel like carrying around my urine in a bottle while singing “Joy to the World” in a wheelchair around the nursing home.