Taking the Scenic Route

Another tacky “Finances” post

It sucks to be us right this moment. lol.  We have a total of $10 to our name.  Our fridge is emptying fast, and we have no food stamps left. I just used the last of the cheese to melt over my white spaghetti.  (the whole grain stuff costs more, and I don’t have any left in my pantry).

However, we have money coming in soon.  It is just SO HARD to be patient!  Here is the breakdown:

• 10th:  Food Stamps available (read note to follow, this is a maybe)
• 11th:  financial aid money is available  (same day as my big sono, so this is a huge day for us!)
• 12th:  Zach’s paycheck from the college for teaching (theoretically, his last check for the summer session, but there are problems there too…see below)
• 13th:  Zach’s paycheck from the Dinner Theatre

So, a week from today, we will feel rich.  One flippin’ week.  Luckily, my mom is going to float us a loan tonight.  (they are coming to see Zach’s show tonight for their 39th anniversary.  Yeah them!)

About our food stamps.  We currently have one of those caseworkers that gives SRS workers a bad name.  We had a wonderful, compassionate worker before, but she left…probably got eaten by the sharks there.  This one always treats us with utter contempt and never seems to be able to believe we make it on such a low income.  (we can’t be the only ones surviving on a low income…heck, I know a number of people in the same situation we are, so I KNOW we aren’t alone.  We are just very frugal with our money…isn’t that supposed to be a good thing?!? )  Unlike our previous caseworker, who was clear on what was needed, processed everything quickly, and was nice to Zane (even when he was being a handful in her small office), this one is just incompetent. 

• When I have to go to his office, he seems totally irritated by Zane’s presence (which just confounds me…I know a lot of kids come into that office and how am I supposed to afford a babysitter?). 
• We get letters saying we are up for evaluation every month or two (before it was every 6 months) and when we send our paperwork in, he ALWAYS complains about something.  He doesn’t understand our financial aid paperwork, despite our highlighting, attached notes to break everything down, and verbal explanations.  He keeps insisting there must be more because there is no way we can make it with that. 
• He also sends out letters stating that we need to have our paperwork in the office by a date that was a week before the day we got the letter, and a note that our case will be closed if we don’t get it in within 2 days or something equally ridiculous. 
• Our ‘proof’ has to come through other government agencies (the school), so it can be a real hassle to gather the current proof needed. 
• We then hand deliver the paperwork before the cut-off date so it won’t get lost in the mail.
• A week later we receive a letter stating our case has been closed because we did not return our info before the cut off date (we did)
• I call.  He seems to never talk into the phone, so I can’t ever hear him, and then he gets irate with me when I ask him (politely, I might add) to please repeat what he just said.  I am put on hold for 10-15 minutes at a time.  He comes back to finally say we shouldn’t have gotten the letter because our paperwork is on his desk.  He says he looked at it and everything looks good.   I clarify that we should be receiving our food stamps on time and our case isn’t closed. He confirms.
• A week later I need to get proof of assistance to apply for my YMCA membership.  Again, have a problem because I can’t hear him.  (he is the ONLY person I have ever had this problem with on my phone).  He grills me for ‘why would I need something like that”.  I explain.  He says “didn’t I send something like that to you a month ago.  I respond that we never received any thing.  (we did ask for the same reason a few months ago, but he obviously didn’t send it, and I just let it go since I was put on bedrest and wouldn’t be going to the Y anytime soon).  He grumpily says he will find something to send us.  Then he asks if I have received the letter stating I needed to submit further proof of our paychecks.  I say no, he says I should have received it.  I tell him that I have received no such notice, but what kind of proof does he need.  AAAARRRRGGGGGG!   He tells me, and then tells me that if it wasn’t in very soon, our case would be closed.  We haven’t even gotten the demand yet.  Thank heavens I called because it gave Zach time to contact the director to have the paperwork available tonight when he goes in so we can, again, hand deliver the frickin’ thing on Monday. 

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!  We go through this almost EVERY MONTH.  He also keeps wanting to know if I am still pregnant, even though it has no effect on the food stamp case.  (it affects WIC, if I choose to get it, but not food stamps)  Such a hassle.  I also had to get a ‘proof of pregnancy’ from my dr’s office, even though it doesn’t actually affect the case. 

I feel really sorry for people that also get cash assistance, childcare assistance, utility bill assistance, and any other stuff.  The paperwork must be an absolute nightmare if “food stamps only” is this bad.

I understand that they have to have a lot of paperwork to ensure people aren’t cheating the system, but good grief, must they confirm the paperwork every month or two?  They can prosecute you if you don’t inform them of changes, isn’t that enough of a back-up?  I would feel sorry for him and how much paperwork he has to do if I hadn’t had such a smooth and pleasant experience with his predecessor.  This guy is just mean.

About Zach’s paychecks:  All summer we have not had a single paycheck be the correct amount.  Every two weeks it seems to be a different problem.  Apparently, it goes through about 5 offices.  (the department secretary, the head of the department, the dean’s office, the grad school office, then finally human resources).  Gotta love institutionalized systems. 

• the first paycheck:   they had him as “0″ dependents instead of “tax exempt”.  (very confusing since he has been getting paychecks for the spring semester already)  That took nearly $100 out of the check.  They also had his total pay for the summer at $200 less than what was promised to him.  Around 10 phone calls to figure out who can fix things.
• the second paycheck:  they fixed the “0″ dependents, but forgot to refund the money taken out of the first paycheck.  No change on the incorrect pay.  About 3 phone calls to try and get it fixed for next time.  $40 short of the rent amount, but the second job helps us cover rent.
• the third paycheck:  dependents right, refund right, pay still wrong.  Another 5 phone calls to figure out where the problem is.  Promises of ‘hand delivering the re-done paperwork” from people.
• the fourth paycheck:  still wrong pay.  Still short for our rent, but able to use part of the birthday money from his mom to help make up the difference.  (THANK YOU MIL!)
• the fifth paycheck for the summer is the one we are waiting on.  We don’t have high hopes that it will be right since yesterday the grad school office didn’t have the paperwork in yet. 

This could get even more fun for fall.  He has been verbally promised the GTA position to teach the class again, but the paperwork isn’t to the grad school yet, which means that the 50% tuition break isn’t registering yet at the Registrar’s office, which means that if it isn’t registered, we will have to pay full price for the classes and wait for the paperwork to come around to get a refund.  Plus, his paychecks still have to go through the same group of people.  Fun.

I continue to contend that the paperwork to remain in school is harder than the coursework.  He has a new form to fill out and return to the school every two or three weeks all summer long.  He also had to go through a financial aid appeal because of a paperwork snafu.  (approved, btw) What a mess.

2006 Babies Blog Ring Mystery

It seems like a lot of blogs mention people thinking they are ‘fakers’.  What is the deal?  Did somebody go around making nasty comments for no reason or something? 

I guess the diaper community isn’t the only one dealing with pictures being stolen either…I am guessing that it happened in this group too by some of the comments.  I am not 100% sure on that, so if somebody could clue me in, I would appreciate it.

It is just so weird.  Having one or two people called out as fakers wouldn’t surprise me, but it seems like around 75% of the people on the blog ring have been called ‘fakers’ from the blog comments.  I have no idea what is going on, but I feel bad for those mamas who are having difficult pregnancies anyway and having to deal with some Internet creep.  Is this a normal thing?  Do people automatically assume you are faking a pregnancy now days?  The thought wouldn’t even cross my mind unless something seemed seriously ‘off’ down the road, but considering that 18 weeks is the oldest age a pregnancy can be on that ring, most people aren’t to the point where that is an issue yet.

Ack!  My EYES, my EYES!

I either need new glasses or a better monitor, or both.  I am having such a hard time reading some of the blogs.  Maybe I am just getting old. lol.  The three things that make me crazy:

1. The single biggest thing that makes me nuts is when people use skins that don’t allow a person to adjust the font size on their browser.  (for those of you with good eyes and don’t know what I am talking about…go to “View”, “Text Size”, then choose a different size (like “Larger”).  If the text on the page does not change, it means you have one of those skins.)  I can get past a lot of irritating pages just by increasing the text size or highlighting the text (often both), but when it won’t let me change the font size and it is hard for me to read, I am more likely to either just skim, or come back later when my head isn’t pounding as hard.
2. When people have animated or non-faded pictures in the background and no background color behind the text.  If you have the xanga premium (which I assume most of the people do if they have those backgrounds), click on the little paint bucket thing and click on a color before you post.  Makes it a million times more readable.  If the color you want isn’t on the palette, look at this hex code color palette, get the 6 number/letter combo, and put it in the box near the bottom of the palette.  (I keep a few colors on post it notes next to my computer so I don’t have to look them up every time)
3. Weird color combos where the colors make the text almost vibrate.  (white writing on black background is among those)  Again, probably my eyes, but dang it makes me nuts.  This one is usually easier to solve just by highlighting or increasing the text size though, so it isn’t as big of a deal. 

I am truly not trying to be nasty about this.  I just really love reading around on xanga and there are a number of pages that I want to read, but really can’t because it is just too hard on my head.

Parenting Books – a quick review of some that I have read

Browsing amazon.com for parenting books.  I remember when I was pregnant with Zane and checked every parenting book out of the Johnson County Library that they had.  lol.  I just thought I would share some of my favorites and some that I can’t stand. 

Books I would recommend

The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age Two by Dr. William Sears,MD and his wife Martha Sears, a nurse.  They have 8 kids, at least one of them special needs and this book is simply the best of the best out there for parents.  I still refer to it once in a while for my 3yo.

The Complete Book of Christian Parenting & Child Care: A Medical & Moral Guide to Raising Happy, Healthy Children by Dr. Sears also.  A good companion to the above book, although geared more towards the pregnant, and newborn stages than the more comprehensive “baby book”

I am generally really happy with the entire Dr. Sears Parenting Library.  The Discipline Book and the Family Nutrition Guide are well worn in our house.  Extremely well written and based on solid medical science.  There are several more of the books we want to get. 

Biblical Parenting by Pastor Crystal Lutton is a great book for Christian Parents.  It gives biblical references for Grace Based Discipline.

Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic Mary Sheedy Kurcinka is a really fabulous book for those of us with intense kids.

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk  Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish has a lot of great ideas for how to communicate with kids.  I have been able to find a lot of useful information even before my child was verbal, but it is truly more valuable once your kids talk.  It is applicable for all ages of interpersonal communication.

Books I don’t really like:

The “What to Expect” series.  I really didn’t like the attitude of the authors even when I was pregnant, but the ‘toddler’ and older books were simply ridiculous. 

Anything by Dobson.  Unless it is ok if you child grows up homophobic, these books are not for you.  The guy has some serious issues.  There was some stuff in his “growing up boys” that was interesting, but what I found of interest can be found in a million other parenting books that don’t have the offensive anti-gay message attached to them.  Not the worst book out there, but I would never recommend it.

The second worse parenting book ever written:  anything by Gary Ezzo.  The guy is a wacko, truly.  His entire parenting philosophy is about the parent’s convenience rather than respecting the child as a human being.  Kids have died following his advice.  Like Sears, he has a Christian version (growing kid’s God’s way) and a secular version (babywise) of his books…and both are horrible.  The feeding schedule advice is totally unrealistic and actually harmful.  The parenting advise is borderline abusive at times.  I actually feel pretty sick when I hear parents following his methods.  Before you buy his books, make sure and read http://www.ezzo.info/babywise.htm to understand why I am so appalled by his books.

The single worst parenting book on the market is “To Train up a Child” by the Pearls.  Without reservation, I would call this a child abuse manual.  Horrifying.  Truly the most disgusting thing I have ever read.  I would not treat a dog so shabbily.  I truly can not imagine how these people have managed to stay out of jail with the level of physical and emotional abuse that they advocate. 

So, there you go.  I could list a bunch more books I like, but I figured I would keep it short.  There are some great books out there, that is for sure, but there are some pretty awful ones too.

Zane’s drawing

Ignore the red and green circles.  They were fruit that he drew another time and not part of the current drawing.  Yes, he did this all by himself, with no help from either of us.

You know what.  I have had it with protected.  lol.  I have a number of people who are having a rough time figuring out how to see my posts, so I am going to be going back and making most of my blog public again.  I will leave any sensitive material & entries that include photos of ds in just a diaper protected, but I am tired of feeling like I am being punished for the utter stupidity of others.  I have a feeling that the diapering rings are the big culprits for how I was found, so I exited those rings. 

If you want to see all my posts, you will need to be on protected, but I am letting most of my stuff show.

It might keep bumping to the top of the blog ring lists for a bit while I am changing stuff, so please be patient, it shouldn’t take too long.

Baby Fever

I joined a new blogring today, 2006 Babies.  I was browsing through and noticing the list of everything people ‘needed’ for their new babies.  Even those expecting #2 or more had much longer lists than me. lol. 

What I don’t need:

• I have the carseat (actually, we own 3 carseats that would work for an infant:  Graco w/ 5pt. harness, Britax Roundabout, Britax Wizard)  Zane is still using the Wizard, but we sure don’t need another seat. 
• Even if we wanted to use a crib, we would have to get rid of something to set it up because there is no room.  We have a narrow bookcase that has been moved next to the changing table which will serve the same purpose the crib did with Zane…diaper storage.  lol. 
• I own a play and pack, although it is likely to remain in the closet unless I find a need for it. 
• Although I would love new clothes, I really don’t need new clothes…I still have all of Zanes, and even if it is a girl, the clothes will still cover her.  They are going to be born within a week or two of each other, so the season is the same.  I have blankets coming out my ears. lol. 
• We own a stroller.  Not sure if we will use it because it is a PITA to try and fit in the trunk…I swear, you have to hold your nose ‘just so’ to get the trunk closed with that thing in there.  I will probably just use a sling most of the time so the baby is physically attached to me for safety issues.  (don’t have to choose between a baby in a stroller and a preschooler running off). 
• We own a high chair.  This might actually make it to our house a lot sooner than the 6 month mark (the soonest we will introduce solids) because it reclines and would be a safe place to put a child when I am cooking and other things that aren’t sling friendly.
• Our neighbor gave us a changing table.  It isn’t my style, but who cares, really.  (I don’t like Jenny Lind very much, too fru-fru).  It is set up in our bedroom now and will work great.  It could use one of those changing pad pillows, but even that is more of a want than a need.  I can always just lay down one of my blankets on it.  With Zane we used the play and pack’s changing table, but there really isn’t room for it here, so I was very thankful for the hand-me-down.
• I have owned 2 baby bathtubs. (gifts) I only used them before his cord fell off.  Maybe it was because of his size, but I really just took him into the bathtub with me and that worked just fine.  I think I might still own 1, but I am not sure if it is worth digging out since I can just lay baby on a towel if it’s just for a sponge bath. 
• I own a Boppy knock off.  It will need to be restuffed and have some repair work to be usable again, but not really a need.  Honestly, though, a new nursing pillow (or 2) it is a really big want.  I want the Brest Friend pillow and an actual Boppy.  I remember wishing I had two pillows with Zane all the time because it ended up taking to people to get Zane off my lap…the pillow had to be moved to where he was going and then moving him…two pillows would have simplified things greatly.  (post c-section he was at my allowed weight limit for carrying him and I was sore)
• We own a swing.  Zane absolutely hated it most of the time.  We got a bunch of pictures of him in it once, but he was only giggling because daddy was acting like a complete loon.  It really aggrivated his GERD because of the angle of it.  I am not sure that it will be worth dragging it out.  If we do, it will be instead of the high chair.
• I own 1 Maya Wrap sling.  I am pretty sure there is a Baby Bjorn packed away someplace too.  More slings is on my ‘really want but don’t really need’ list. lol.

So, my “want” list is:

• Nursing pillow (Brest Friend and Boppy)
• Changing pillow for Changing table
• Another sling or two
• A few peices of clothing so everything they wear isn’t a hand-me-down.  I would like to knit a few of those things.
• Yarn to make some soakers & maybe some felted slippers (100% wool, raw farm wool preferred)
• Yarn to make some cute baby clothes (soft yarns, washable – Debbie Bliss type yarns are my dream yarn)
• Some LTK patterns, especially the Ribby Wrap, Picky Pants, Flirty skirt and underpants (if a girl), Pilot Cap, Vested Interests, Apron Top….ok, face it, a lifetime membership.  lol  Wooly Wonder soakers are my other ‘want’.  I have an older version of her pattern and absolutely LOVE it!  She has some really neat updated patterns I am just itching to try out.
• Burt’s Bees BabyBees products, Hyland’s teething tablets, Boudreax’s Butt Paste
• a Vita-Mix to make baby food.  Yeah, that’s it, it’s for the baby.  My desire to own the thing since before Zane has nothing to do with it at all.  lol.  Man, I want this thing so bad and for so long.  It just seems like one of those things that would really make my life easier.  The price is enough to give a person a heart attack though.

Which leaves my “need” list at:

• Diapers:  Prefolds.  will be the bulk of my stash.  2 dozen in each size  (except toddler) would be good.
• Diapers:  Fitteds.  more pricey, so probably just a few.  I am really looking to try some prefitteds & Fireflys,
• Diapers:  Covers.   probably Imse Vimse Bumpy Night Covers for newborn poop stage, and move to knitted soakers once the pooping slows down a bit.
• Diapers:  AIO (All-In-Ones) & Pocket Dipes.  2 or 3 for the diaper bag.  love FMBG, among others, but I am more likely to get FuzziBunz
• Wipes:  probably will mostly just be washclothes.   I have a hard time spending money when I can get them in bulk at Sams
• can I add Vita-Mix again? lol

note:  I didn’t start diapering Zane until 14 months, so everything I have is size L and XL.  I might have some fitteds coming back to me, but Zane was already baby #2 (possibly #3) on them, they are currently being used by another baby, and they had some holes and wear when I gave them to that baby, so I suspect they will be shreds by then. lol.

Sadly, that is honestly all I can think of.  lol.  If somebody sees something I am missing, let me know.  I find it really amazing the difference my list is from my first.  You just don’t need 95% of the “must haves” on all those lists you see.  I was such a sucker with Zane.  I didn’t get as much stuff as most people, but I still had a lot of stuff that didn’t get used or hardly ever got used that I thought I needed.  Amazing, isn’t it.

Geeky and Crunchy links from around the web

For those of us who played the old nintendo games (need to have your speakers on…funny)

snarky celebrity reporting:  the superficial

good geeky dad blog.  teaching his 6yo to code  If you go back to the main blog, it also has some interesting commentary.

Zach found a place online I could play Burger Time, one of my favorite old video games

A really depressing article:  Giving birth by caesarean reduces fertility

Really great news for cancer patients:  Nanotechnology kills cancer cells

Let’s attack video games again.  *find a real problem to be an activist against*:  Sims 2 content “worse than Hot Coffee”

Did you know that Google actually mapped the moon and shows the moon landings?  Really cool, expecially when it is zoomed all the way in.  Google maps the moon

I found another blog I really like:

willowsbeanmama  wrote a simply beautiful ‘feel good’ entry

Zach’s Dad and Stepmom visit

They came on Friday evening and went home on Monday morning.  It had been around 2 years since we saw them last, so it was good to see them again.

His dad wasn’t feeling well during much of the trip, and we were not were we could take pictures most of the visit, so there aren’t as many pictures as I would have liked, but here are the highlights:

Papo Z and Zane at Bradley Faire

Zane’s new pj’s

Breakfast