Taking the Scenic Route

How do I get ‘back to normal’ after the last few days.  If feels weird to be honest.  I am no longer a mess over all this, more annoyed that I feel like I need to deal with this when I really would rather live in blissful ignorance.  I don’t want to think about it any more.  At this point, I am more just trying to hold onto the info in my head long enough to report to the FBI agent when they call me back.  The pictures of ds being out there actually don’t bother me as much as seeing some of the other kids on the site who are obviously being exploited.  It is for them that I am still pursuing getting the info to law enforcement at this point.  Somebody needs to advocate for them, especially the little girl who’s parent is offering money to have their young daughter posed however the buyer wants and sell the pictures for money.  That is so wrong and disturbing.

I see friends all over the internet who are deeply, deeply affected by this.  I think the only reason I can cope ok with it is because it doesn’t trigger memories of abuse for me.  I can’t imagine how difficult this would be if you were abused or exploited as a kid and having to deal with this.  I think that would be so much worse.

Also, in the grand scheme of things,  pictures used in this manner are not nearly as bad as other things.  You can’t control what other people think.  You never know if the person looking at your child is seeing a sweet child, a beautiful child, ‘why did these people reproduce…ewww’, ‘breeder’s spawn’, or much grosser things.  You never know.  I will never know if I stood in line at the grocery store next to BTK, but it is possible.  Damaged people are everywhere…at the YMCA, at the park, at Wal-mart, church, your next door neighbor.  You can’t live in fear of everyone or you won’t be living, you will just be existing.  You do the best you can.  You listen to your instincts, and you just make it through somehow.

My child is not harmed by this…he doesn’t even know it is going on.  He was not abused, he is alive and happy, and whole. There are much worse things.

So, I wait.  I wait for the FBI to call back so I can dump this last little bit of info I have learned so I know I have done everything I can.  I have a feeling it will seem pretty lame after the insanity they have been dealing with.  A picture of a clothed child on a diaper fetish site pales in comparison to a serial killer they have been trying to get for 31 years.