Taking the Scenic Route

Neighbors

To clarify from my post a few days ago…it wasn’t the fact she wasn’t breastfeeding in this particular situation, it is that the smell of formula is “one of those smells” that my stomach can not take this pregnancy.  I seem to have a number of them, but that is high on the list of making me throw up almost every single time I smell it.  Normally the smell of formula doesn’t bother me (not that it is lovely or anything) and therefore, I hardly notice if somebody is formula feeding vs. breastfeeding…usually doesn’t really hit my radar screen.

I am a bit frustrated that she isn’t breastfeeding, but it isn’t any of my business, so I have stayed out of it.  It was frustrating because she did every single thing you shouldn’t do if you want to breast feed.  I offered my help and recommendations every time she asked, but when it became obvious she didn’t really want to breastfeed, I didn’t want it to put a wedge in our friendship, so I backed off.

Her husband isn’t as much a jerk around us most of the time.  He isn’t my favorite person, but I can certainly deal with a casual evening with him.  On a good note, after talking for a while she realized that a lot of the problems they are having would get a lot better if he changed jobs.  He works as a mechanic in an un-air-conditioned shop, and is often asked to work overtime and odd hours, and asked to clean up after other mechanics because ‘they insist on leaving exactly on time’.  He is picking up the slack for some lazy co-workers and it is not helping his mood at all.  He has some back problems and severe ezema on his feet, which is no fun at all . He is also working unpredictable hours in a hot environment…all of these things would make a person less than pleasant to be around.  It would also make it harder to have the energy to spend time and help out with child care.  (not that he shouldn’t do it anyway, but that it is understandable)   He has the experience to be able to be much pickier about where he works.  He hates where he works, just hasn’t had the motivation to change it.  Until now. 

I spent some time helping her find a way to talk about it in a way that wouldn’t make him defensive and earlier that night is when she finally approached him.  Evidently, it was the first time they were able to discuss it without it turning into a big argument.  After the discussion, he took the initiative to start looking at the want ads online.  Earlier today she said he had finally written down his work history and I am going to help her form it into a resume.  (that was another obstacle that was stopping him).  He is looking at working for a dealership.  9-5, M-F in an air-conditioned environment.  Even if it is a cut in pay (which it probably isn’t), it will dramatically improve their quality of life as a family.

He isn’t a bad guy, and they do love each other, they just aren’t very nice to each other right now because both of them aren’t getting their needs met.  They are both pretty young too and don’t have the problem solving skills that you gain when you have been in a longer relationship and are a bit older.  They have the potential to be a great couple, so I am really glad to see them healing.  The dynamic needed to change or they were going to go down fast.

Some days I can’t believe we have become such good friends.  To them, we are the weird couple who are liberals, don’t spank, breastfeed a lot longer, cloth diaper, let their child get messy, are interested in weird/geeky things like Star Wars/Star Trek/Sci-Fi in general, read a lot, listen to about every form of music except country, own really ugly crappy cars, but have 3 computers in their living room.  They like football, Nascar, tools, country music, fast cars, spank, reprimand their kids a lot more, feed their kids totally different foods (kool-aid, chicken nuggets and fries are staples there), drive a big shiny brand new extended cab, extended bed red pick-up truck as their main vehicle, are as Republican as they come, bathe their kids 2-3 times a day, and keep their one computer in their bedroom.  We can find mutual intersts in movies (although their main genre is action flicks, which we watch, but is more of a second tier choice), world history discussions (he know a lot about wars especially), some computer games, and we can keep up some level of conversation about some sports and cars, and they can do the same on sci-fi and computers at times.  Our kids playing together dominates most of our time together, along with the chit-chat of normal life.  (bills, cleaning, messes, cooking…normal everyday stuff).  They became friends mostly out of proximity…they live 2 doors down from us, about 20-30 feet door to door, and let their kids play on the mutual front porch to get out of the house, just like we do.  Lots of time with chalk, tricycles, bubbles and the like. 

Our lives

Zach is putting in a resume for a great job, pretty much his dream job.  The position was posted a day or two ago and will close in a week from Monday, so hopefully we will hear something within the next few weeks.  It is very exciting.  The start date isn’t until after this semester is over, so he can adjust his next sememster to fit around this job if he gets it.  This looks very promising.

His classes are going well.  He dropped one class a few weeks ago and it really made a big difference for him.  It was just too much to take so many hours and teach a class.  He is still full time, but it is more reasonable now.  He spends so much time working on classes now I can see why he was getting overwhelmed before…there just were not enough hours in the day to get everything done.  He is pushing as it is. 

My folks stopped by for a short bit yesterday.  Zane happily showed him his train game and his constructon game on the computer.  Dad especially appreciated the bulldoser knockng down the buildings and Zane’s excitement and giggling over that.  We tried to show them the book he can help read, but he wanted to go back to the computer…lol.  He wasn’t comfortable reading to them just yet.  I guess he just needs some more practice time for that.  Mom made her “once a decade” brand new coat purchase.  I am going to take the hood to the yarn store and see if there is some pretty yarn to make her a scarf to match it.  It would certainly get good use considering how often she buys coats.  lol.

**for those of you on my protected list, there was a post before this one.  long and rambly about VBAC vs. c-section.