Relief
My brother’s much anticipated divorce is final today. (well, yesterday, it is after midnight). I know it is sad on a significant level, but I am mostly relieved. I wish things could have been different for him because I really wanted him to be happy and know the comfort and happiness that comes with a good relationship, but I am relieved that he finally was able to let go of an unhealthy and abusive relationship.
She was not only difficult for my brother, but my parents. They really went the extra mile over and over again for her, but she was unable to appreciate all that they did, either emotionally or physically and was just inconceivably horrible to them. I am glad to close that chapter of our lives. She also became really wierd to us after the autism diagnosis, somehow taking a personal affront that Zane was autistic (although I never really figured out how it was that we were being nasty to her because Zane was autistic, but oh well). She had a knack of turning ever single situation to be something about her. She was self-centered on a level I have only rarely encountered before, a phenomena to behold.
I am glad that we no longer have to walk on eggshells every time she is a part of a family gathering; always concerned that we would inadvertently say something that Steve would spend weeks “paying” for, or serving food that she would whine about endlessly, or not show “enough” appreciation for something (it wasn’t enough to say a simple “thank you” to her…ever, despite the fact that the gifts she gave were usually more about what she liked than any resemblance to anything we were interested in…after all, she is the one who gave us that hideous Hummer remote control car meant for 10 years and older when Zane was two…so very many things wrong with that), or making sure to make her feel included in every aspect of every thing we ever do, even if it is the kid’s birthdays or a kid-centered holiday, or trying not to mention “Christmas” or “Easter” at the celebrations because it suddenly was offensive to her (she was Christian when they married, but when her dad became some sort of Christian that didn’t celebrate any of the Christian holidays, suddenly she didn’t either, and took offense at the mere mention of the holiday…far more offense than any of my Jewish, Islamic or Pagan friends, it became a real landmine to try and celebrate anything without a whole lot of tension.)
I wish she could have been the person she presented herself to be, but she wasn’t. I am sad for my brother because he really was hurt by her, and really went the extra mile again and again for her (including the divorce, where he took on almost all the extensive debt that she created and postponed the divorce to give her time to get health insurance…far beyond what was even reasonable in my opinion). He is a gentle, kind hearted guy and he really got screwed, but he can walk away with a clear conscious and knowing he didn’t compromise his values, and for that I have a great deal of respect for him. He is a good person, through and through. I am proud of him and hope he finds some happiness.
