Taking the Scenic Route

Thursday Morning and Early Afternoon, before the viewing

30th October 2008

Thursday Morning and Early Afternoon, before the viewing

Thursday morning was the first time we started seeing family. We met up with Aunt Joyce and Dan down at breakfast. We talked for a while, and when we realized they planned on making two trips to the airport to pick everybody up, we told them we would come along instead. With all of our luggage out of the vehicle, we had the back seating area free for either their luggage, or more people.

They made a test airport run while we went back up to the room. Pretty soon we got a call from Hayden (Zach’s brother) to see if Zach wanted to meet with the preacher with the rest of the siblings, so he went with him to do that while I tried to settle the kids in. Zane was clearly agitated, but got a little better when I pulled out all of the blankets (yeah for overpacking) I had brought with us and covered the loveseat and made a little nest for him.

Zora was loving the tv at her level.

Although we had been talking about what was going on to a degree, I still had to talk to Zane, more specifically, about what exactly was going on and what death was. I had to practice saying “dead” over and over again so I could say it without bursting into tears. He had a mini-meltdown and closed himself in the bathroom, trying to block the door, and I knew it was past time to have that talk.

The Talk
I sat with him on the floor of the hotel bathroom, rocking him, and explaining in the simplest, most literal terms possible that Grandpa Papo died.

His body was broken and the doctors couldn’t fix him. When our bodies get a little broken, we go to a dr to fix us. (then went through different people to ask “Is mommy broken, is Zane broken…ect, to make sure he understood the concept of broken body and not broken body)

In video games, when you die, it is a pretend die. You can start again and you are alive. In real life, when you die, you stay dead. You can’t start again. You can’t talk to the person, or hug them, and they can’t breathe or see or hear any more. They look a little bit like they are asleep, but they are not asleep. When you go to sleep, you wake up. When you die, you do not wake up. You can tell the person is dead because they don’t breath or open their eyes any more. (again, asked questions to see if he was comprehending)

Inside of all of us there is an invisible part that makes us alive, called a spirit or soul. When the body breaks too much for docters to fix, the spirit goes to heaven to live with Jesus. His alive part, his spirit, is happy because he is with Jesus. Mommy and Daddy are sad because we won’t see his spirit for a long time and we will miss him being on earth. We miss being able to talk to him and hug him. (again…questions to confirm comprehension)

We will be going to see his body. His body will be in a special box called a coffin. He will look a little like he is alseep, but he will mostly look different (as it turned out, there was no question he wasn’t just asleep, and he looked quite a bit different). He won’t be breathing and he won’t open his eyes because his alive part is not in his body any more. His alive part is with Jesus.

There will be other people there to see Papo’s body. A lot of them might be crying, or sad, and that is OK. It is good to cry when we are sad. We all miss Papo being alive, but we know his inside part, his spirit part, is happy and living with Jesus. If you are sad, it is good to cry. If you are scared, it is good to tell us. Mommy and Daddy will be with you and keep you safe and give you hugs if you want them. If you are not sad, that is fine. It is ok to not be sad.

I asked him a bunch of question afterwards to make sure he got the concept (as much as he could…nobody *really* gets death). I also knew that the only way he was going to understand what dead meant, for sure, was to take him to the viewing. Every part of my soul wanted to spare him that, but I knew that I had to.

Right after Zach returned from his meeting with the siblings, we left to pick everybody up at the airport. They were coming from three different places in the country, but all managed, somehow, to end up on the same plane the last leg. Amazing. We exchanged a few quick hugs, got people and luggage arranged in the vehicles, and headed back to the hotel.

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 30th, 2008 at 9:41 PM and is filed under Autistic Life, Death, Papo (Z's Dad) & Grammie, San Antonio, The Kids. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
  • Zane's age

  • Zane is 22 years, 5 months, and 2 days old
  • Zora's age

  • Zora is 18 years, 5 months, and 6 days old
  • Random Quote

  • Homeschool parent’s primer:

    Anyone who is more attentive to their child than I am is a “hover mother”.

    Anyone who is less attentive is selfish and neglectful.

    Anyone who imposes more rules on kids than we do is rigid and power tripping.

    Anyone who imposes less is spoiling the kids and being a doormat.

    Any homeschoolers who use more structure and curriculum than we do are control freaks.

    Any who use less are irresponsible.

    Any kid older than mine is “old enough to know better”.

    Until mine is that age, then “he’s just too little to know better”.
    — Kelly, from SM, a message board

  • Subscribe

Spread the Word
delicious
digg
technorati
reddit
magnolia
stumbleupon
yahoo
google

 Log in