Thursday May 17, 2007
Starting to worry a bit
I am not sure what is going on with Zane, but he seems to have really escalated his stims lately. He now covers his ears a lot, even with no obvious auditory stimuli. Hand flapping, toe walking and smelling things (like laying on the floor and smelling the floor) all seem to be increasing, and today we had a very difficult shopping trip with him laying on the floor and screaming. I am hoping it is just the change in routine, especially the end of the school year, and not the MMR. I can’t help but be concerned. I am going to try to up the structure in our home lives (gosh, that is such a challenge when I am also dealing with Ms. Unpredictable Firecracker). Yesterday we started him on allergy meds too, and hopefully that will help instead of make it worse. I am worried. I am trying not to, but there is a part of me that wonders if I totally screwed up by letting him have the MMR. I was so convinced that it wouldn’t hurt him, after doing an insane amount of research on the subject, and now I am not sure we made the right decision. Did we just waste a year of therapy and effort with one syringe? Did we just add more challenges to his life? This sucks. Actually, sucks doesn’t quite cover it. It hurts really deep down to think a decision you made might have permamently damaged your baby.
We also found out that the IEP will not be in place for the start of the next school year. They couldn’t get their act together in time, so it will be on hold until August. They are still legally within their time frame, but I really hoped they would do better than the legal minimum. I am frustrated, but I know it will work out how it is supposed to work out in the end. Maybe starting school on the first day, with all of his peers also brand new to school would be too much for him anyway. Maybe it will be a little better if he goes into a classroom where the routine is more established and the other kids aren’t as hyped up with all the newness. His challenges aren’t the academic part at this point anyway, so it isn’t like he is going to be behind in that aspect.
Kid Cuteness
On the other end of the development spectrum, Zora gained a “yes” head bob on Monday to match her “no” she has had for a while. Her “no” is still really cute because it isn’t smooth yet…she dips her chin down, her face sort of scrunches up in concentration, her tongue between her lips, and she looks up through her eyelashes as she clumsily makes her head go back and forth. The “yes” is a variation of that, except that she puts her chin on her chest and then throws her head up, then sort of pauses before she drops her head back down again. The motor planning she is trying to master is just so tangible and absolutely adorable.
In the *really hard not to laugh* front, she is sooooo dramatic. She looks out of the corner of her eye to see if you are paying attention to her tantrums, and if Zane has just gotten in trouble for pushing her (or anything like that), she will go up to him and fall over crying, as if she has been pushed, but I was watching and he did absolutely NOTHING. She is trying to get him into trouble! Little Stinker!
On Mother’s Day we took down the gate that keeps her out of Zane’s room since there were enough people to keep an eye on her if she was in there (he has stuff in there that isn’t toddler friendly). As the evening wound down, all the adults were on the couches chatting, Zane was in his room, and she decided to wander in there (looking back over her shoulder to see if anybody was watching…I was out of the corner of my eye, but she couldn’t tell that). As soon as she decided she wasn’t being watched, she walked on in there. As soon as she cleared the doorway, I told mom that she would hear Zane yelling for Zora to stop, then Zora crying, then both of them would come out of the room to us. Sure enough, the words had barely escaped my lips and Zane yelled, Zora cried, and Zane ‘escorted’ Zora out of the room declaring “Zora go back!”. Zora was pushing back until she saw that we could see her, then she threw up her arms in total drama, threw her head back and wailed as she ran, throwing herself forward, towards us. Poor kid. Zane, once seeing that mom had Zora, got the gate and tried to put it up himself, but Zach was right there because we knew that would be his next move. I am so glad he has his own space now, because this plays itself out a lot in our house, but when Zane has had enough, he has a place to go to escape the insanity of toddlerdom. (some days I wish I could too. lol)
I won’t tell you not to worry because that is what us mom’s do. If you have the time, you can try keeping journals of his stims by noting what stim, where, when, and what was happening just prior to the onset. This could shed light on why but it isn’t a sure thing and it pretty much requires that you do nothing but stare at him all day. Not practical at all if you have other kids or chores or even have to use the restroom. However, you may want to simply keep a piece of paper and pen nearby and mark off about how many episodes he is having a day. Then you can discuss it with his educators, therapists, and physicians.
Children with ASD usually stim, learn, regress, etc in spurts. This can be caused by seasonal allergies (who isn’t grumpy when they can’t breathe? Growth spurts can trigger crankiness and stimming. It may be the MMR, but not the shot itself. It could be that he is still upset about having to get any shot. My son hated medical procedures and would get angry or upset for days afterwards. My husband’s deployments used to trigger most of our son’s regressive behaviors. In addition, there is a theory that the symptoms of ASD decrease with age. I personally have not seen that yet but my son is only 12. Instead, I have noticed that my son’s behavior becomes more obvious. What was once cute and simply quirky is now obviously a symptom of autism.
Hang in there. I am sure goodness is right around the corner.
Praying. I too was thinking that it could be the act of getting the shot, not necessarily what was in it. Last comment was good, so I’ll leave it there. Hugs.