Taking the Scenic Route

Saturday May 14, 2005

14th May 2005

Saturday May 14, 2005

A very odd “maybe”

Zach’s best friend, Robert, is an actor.  He thinks that there might be an uncast part that Zach *might* be able to fill.  It certainly would be an interesting 2nd job.  They usually do 2 shows a week, with a guaranteed $25 a show, plus generally, around $15-20 in tips.  The gig would be for 3 months.  It is set in the 20s and he thinks the part of “Mobster” isn’t taken yet.  We would have to provide our own costume, but if worse came to worse, I could sew something.  A big maybe, but would certainly help keep us afloat and shouldn’t interfere with the class he is teaching.

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14th May 2005

Saturday May 14, 2005

Welfare and “those people”

When we were leaving Wal-mart (across the street from the hospital) with my prescription (and the little shopping cart Zane talked Grandma into.  lol) we ran into J, my oldest cousin’s oldest son.  He said that he was working at the Wichita SRS office dragging people, often kicking and screaming, into the work force.  (body language is everything here…he was clearly disgusted with “those people”)  I asked what his specific job was.  He said he was working in the job training program, which is mandatory for anybody seeking cash assistance.  (my first thought:  never ask for cash assistance because if he has that kind of attitude, I can only imagine how the rest of the people might be).  As the conversation progressed, he said he was picking up a gift for his sister, who is graduating from JUCO today.  Her plans are to then go to cosmetology (hair style people) school, but he was having a hard time with that because 30% of the people on welfare seemed to have that degree.  I shot back with:  I bet another 40% have Communication Arts degrees  (my degree, and, unbeknownst to me at the moment I said it, his degree).  I clarified that that was the degree I had, so I hopefully didn’t sound too nasty…I meant it as a self-deprecating remark, but it was fairly funny in retrospect.  (It was true though…everybody I know personally who is on assistance, has a Communication Arts or similar degree.)

As we walked away I told my mom:  I am guessing that he didn’t realize that he was talking to a unexpectedly pregnant woman who just had a Dr. appointment paid for (mostly) by Medicaid, picking up a prescription paid (mostly) by Medicaid, and hurrying home to go grocery shopping with her food stamps.  My mom and I laughed. 

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14th May 2005

Saturday May 14, 2005

First Dr Appointment, Pregnancy #10

I am doing much better today. I had my first dr appointment. He listened to me. The appointment was an early pregnancy consult (not the typical 8-12 week 1st OB appointment) but he also asked about my birth.

I only told him a portion of the story (the summary of the labor itself, up to the actual birth, none of the before/after stuff….just the technical “how did the birth go”) and told him that “before I chicken out, I need you to watch and make sure I don’t get ppd this time.” I was undiagnosed with ppd last time, and in the midst of it I would have been pretty defensive about it (especially with my MIL constantly telling me that only bad mothers who don’t love their babies get ppd), but I know I had ppd, and am pretty sure I still have post-traumatic stress disorder from it. I never really got my footing back after his birth.

After relaying the basics, not even including that his first apgar was 2 and that nobody listened to me when I had horrible post-partum pain which turned into emergency gall bladder surgery (blocked duct), he said he could not believe I was not monitored for ppd better. Let’s ignore the fact that long term IF patients have a higher rate of ppd, my labor and delivery by itself was flat out traumatic.

He found it *interesting* (read…what are those effing bastards hiding) that the medical records that were sent seemed to be missing the very pages that would have described the events of the surgery.

When I asked about vbac he started by talking about the trends in vbac (he is like that…he really is into making sure his patients understand where the current literature comes from) and that, although he supports vbac whenever possible, I am about the worse candidate for it and it is very unlikely that I will be able to deliver vaginally, unless it was due to an extremely premature labor. (much too early to be healthy for my baby) He went into every detail as to why and made sure I understood the why. He was also really upset that it was never really addressed with my first pregnancy since I have such a narrow pelvis and, looking at the two of us, we have larger than average heads and with that alone, it should have at least been addressed to us so we wouldn’t have been in such shock. There is also a long history of atypical labor in my family that should have thrown up some flags to the dr. (I was only 4lbs, but still had to be delivered as a high forceps delivery after a WEEK of active labor, my grandma’s babies were around 10-14lbs). He was afraid that if I attempted a VBAC, it would have the same stressful outcome. I knew that in my heart, but hearing the whys are helping me deal with it.

He put me on progesterone and gave me a bunch of sample vitamin pills. The progesterone is to help my body keep the uterus from contracting and the lining of my uterus attached. I am going to be having blood drawn a lot so they can watch my levels. When they get to 5000 (if I remember right) then they are going to do an ultrasound and see if it is a viable baby or a blighted ovum (I have had two of those). So…I am on the right track.

The really weird/good thing: if you would have asked me earlier today, I would have described the crampy feeling as mild. Within an hour of taking the progesterone I was shocked at the reduction in pain. Every once in a while I feel a fluttering type feeling, but nothing like I was experiencing. I have a feeling my uterus was, indeed, contracting heavily and I would have lost this pregnancy regardless of the condition of the fertilized egg/fetus. I feel much more at peace now with whatever happens. I know my dr. really does care a lot about me and takes my concerns seriously.

On a completely different note…his office moved.  The new digs are jaw dropping!  Really neat group of offices that is attached to the hospital now.  They also had a great kid’s play area which made my mom’s job a lot easier.  He now has two partners.  He doesn’t see OB patients any more.  He will only be covering me until I get to the ’see the heartbeat’ part, then I will go to one of his partners for my actual OB stuff.  He actually was apologetic and knows a lot of his long time patients are having a hard time accepting that he won’t make exceptions, but he has a lot of long time patients, so if he started making exceptions it would be a nightmare for him.  lol.  Once I get to the OB part, I won’t have to deal with referrals because you can go anywhere they accept the insurance for the OB.  I am not considered OB at this point (medical coding technicality). 

I have only heard good things about his partners, and he hand picked them, so I trust that they are good too.  This is a smaller town hospital and bad drs do not stay long because word gets around quick!  He and one of his partners are considered teachers at the big hospital here in town (W), so if I have a major 911 incident, they can be called in and have privileges there too.  He has had the second partner, Dr. Br, for a number of years and I know several people who had him for their pregnancies and were thrilled with him.   

On Monday, I am going to call and see if my ‘primary provider’ can be transferred to Dr Br, since he should be listed in my county also, even though Dr. B isn’t.  (the practice I go to is in the neighboring county)  Then we don’t have to go through the hassle every time I need something done.  I sure hope I can do that. 

Now I wait until Monday for my second blood draw.  I hope she hits me on the first time again.  I am a nightmare to hit because my veins are deeper than normal, angle differently, and roll.  Fun times.  She did a lot of looking around before she decided and used a tiny little butterfly needle set up to do it…much better than a typical blood draw.  I tell you what, Dr B gets the best phlebotomists around.  His lab is the ONLY place I have EVER been hit the first time with all my surgeries and all the hundreds of blood draws I have been subject to.   I remember when I finally got frustrated with other people and decided I would rather wait two days to hear the results than go to the hospital lab where I was always a pin cushion (never got me in under 10 hits), even though I would have gotten the results a lot faster. I have been in the position of reassuring lab techs that I didn’t hate them, and then going home to cry because my arm/hand hurt so bad, than I care to remember.

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12th May 2005

Thursday May 12, 2005

We cleaned a bunch today and now I feel crampy.  $#%^&)*($%!*!!!!  I did not think that you could cause a miscarriage at this stage by doing stuff.  I sure hope everything is ok.  I will be a  mess if I lose it in the next 48 hours or so.  I guess I need to be more of a couch potato.

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11th May 2005

Wednesday May 11, 2005

Blast from the past

Brian Z called tonight, out of the blue.  Zach hasn’t heard from him since around 1990.  He was unsure of whether Zach would think it was creepy being contacted after all these years, but Zach was happy to hear how he was doing.  They were almost brothers and amazingly close at that time considering he is 5 years younger. 

He sounded a little lost in life.  He has been unemployed for a few months and was clearly tipsy when he called.  He asked Zach about things like “how do you keep a good relationship for so long”.  He also said he was jealous he was of our lives (married, teaching, kids).  That really took Zach back…this is a guy who has spent most of his life having everything going for him from our perspective.  He also said something about hating his previous job and feeling like he majored in the wrong thing and didn’t know what to do…felt like he was going nowhere and he was doomed to a miserable life.  Zach told him where he was 5 years ago (working at Pizza Hut as a cook for minimum wage, no degree, us drinking more than we should, stuck in a small town in western, KS with no real direction) and how much things can change in 5 years.  Told him he was still young and NOTHING is set in stone.  If he sobers up and looks at what is changable in his life, he can change those things and can make a complete and utter turn around in 5 years (picked out 5 years since that is the age difference between them)  By the end of the conversation, he was thanking Zach and saying that it was really inspiring for him to hear how much our lives changed for the better in that short of time…it gave him hope that he can change too.  He also wants to get together when he gets back into town to visit. 

Zach said it was really weird to be giving advice and he was glad he called and hoped that he helped.  We really care about this guy.  He has so much potential to make a real difference in this world and has resources available to him that we can only imagine.  It is strange to think that somebody with that background can go through such a similar struggle. 

You know what…we are rich in the one area money has no effect…a good, solid, loving marriage.  It is good to be reminded of your blessings now and then so you don’t take it for granted.

———-

actually, I think Zach was off by one year.  I think it was 4 years, not 5 years ago.  5 years ago was even more chaotic, but 4 years ago is when our lives started looking up.

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11th May 2005

Wednesday May 11, 2005

The semester is OVER!   *cheers from the stands* 

We survived without anybody getting bonked on the head.  *big sigh of relief*

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11th May 2005

Wednesday May 11, 2005

Some good news.  The director of the program Zach is wanting to transfer into asked him why he hadn’t taken the GRE yet.  He told her it was because it cost over a $100 and we didn’t have the money.  She is going to try and get a project going this summer that he can help with so he can have the funds to complete his application.  That is good news.

We are asking around to find out if anybody needs computer help that they would be willing to pay for and will be trying a temp service to see if they have anything short term to get us through.  Something should come up.  It might now be much, but anything is good at this point. 

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11th May 2005

Wednesday May 11, 2005

Good news!  The people listed as my primary providers on my card are going to allow a referal to Dr B so I can see him without having to pay out of pocket.  YEAH!  He wants to see me on Friday.



I hate this time period. I will not be able to relax at all until 14 weeks or so. That is a LONG way away.

I want to be excited. I want to have that new pregnancy “I have a secret” giggly thing going on, but I just don’t. I ask dh his opinion about delivery/hospital and stuff like that and he is having a hard time because he is under a lot of stress and in the same position I am. He doesn’t want to get too excited and feels like he will jinx it if we talk about a baby as if it is already a ’sure thing’

The reason I want to talk about VBAC vs scheduled C at this point is because the dr I really love and have been going to since 1983 works at a smaller town hospital which is just wonderful, but does not allow VBACS. (that is the dr I am going to on Fri) I can not go to the birth center around here with a previous C, and the only place that will allow a VBAC is the major hospital. Nothing against the major hospital, but I don’t know any of the drs. there and have had mixed experiences with that hospital. I also know, in my heart, that as much as I want a VBAC, I don’t think it is physically possible. I was only 4 lbs at birth and some things, including my pelvis, just didn’t develop quite right. DS was 9lbs6.3oz and there was no way on earth he would have fit out of my narrow pelvis even if he hadn’t been crooked. Physically impossible. I labored hard for over 24 hours and never got past 2 or 3, and the station was always negative. I would have to have a much smaller baby to even have a shot at it.

I finally called my mom to see if she could watch ds during the dr. appointment. I wasn’t going to tell her yet, but realized she was sounding fairly stressed out wondering what was wrong that I needed to see a dr. for. Knowing it was an early pregnancy consult helped a little, but she is still worried about us.

I am rambling. I just don’t want to unload everything on dh right this second because he is at his current limit for stress. In a few days, he will be back to his normal self, but it is not fair to him. He puts up with all my pms and mood swings for years and he very rarely wound up this tight. I just felt like I am going to explode if I don’t talk about it.

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10th May 2005

Tuesday May 10, 2005

Man, we are screwed right now.  We have one more paycheck until July, and that will go entirely to rent.  So, in reality, we have one more paycheck until the middle of July.  We also are anticipating some expenses that we can not avoid but we didn’t plan on.  All but $100 of this paycheck went to car liability insurance (legal minimum). 

Dh is selling back all the textbooks that they will take back.  If we need them again, we will just have to worry about that then because we really need the money.  Zach has been looking around, but nobody is hiring for the in between times, and so far he hasn’t found anything that will work around the class he is teaching. 

I have some stuff going on that I can’t really talk about, but I really do NOT need this right now.  It is going to be a rough month.

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10th May 2005

Tuesday May 10, 2005

Took another test.   Still postive. lol.  I wish it were darker, but I know it is a yes/no thing, not a ‘how dark’ thing.

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  • Zane's age

  • Zane is 22 years, 3 months, and 1 day old
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