Taking the Scenic Route

Waiting for Robert

20th March 2009

Waiting for Robert

Robert followed Zach home from work (Robert is a contracter working on some computer stuff). He hates taking the interstate in his van, so there is usually a little lag even when they leave at the same time, so we just hung out for a few minutes while waiting for him.

I like these pictures of my wonderful husband

There is something about this one that makes him look very Italian

And the evening programming festivities commence (with Chili)

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18th February 2009

Homecoming!

#49 Daddy’s Home!

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11th February 2009

Leaving for a Business Trip

#42 Leaving for a Business Trip.  Do not like.

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9th January 2009

And a little fun when Daddy gets home from work

By the way, she dressed herself. Yes, the top shirt is backwards, and I don’t know why she wanted to wear two shirts because it wasn’t all that cold this afternoon.

Some of the photo quality is crummy (I think my camera is dying and it is causing a great deal of frustration for me. It won’t stay in focus and photos are terribly grainy), but I included them anyway because they are fun.

posted in Play, Zach, Zora | 1 Comment

1st November 2008

And now for something completely different

Around Italy, Texas (what a name. lol) we needed to stop for gas and coffee. We pulled of the highway and low and behold, this was next to the gas station. We had to take a closer look….and pictures, naturally.

Trying to get the kids to do the vulcan greeting.

So, are there extra geek points awarded for wearing your NASA hat while posing for this picture?

And, I gotta say that I loved the van. It was so roomy and rode so smoothly. It made the trip so much better than it could have been.

posted in The Kids, Travel, Zach | Comments Off

31st October 2008

After the Memorial, at his Dad’s house

I didn’t take any photos of the Memorial Service because it just feels odd to me to take pictures in a church…weird, I know. The service was totally appropriate and very uplifting, and the service was largely a celebration of Jim’s faith and his affect on those around him.

One thing that stood out to me was watching Jennifer’s mom, sitting next to her. She is quite old…I think in her late 90s, and was just widowed this last spring. I can’t imagine having to watch your daughter go through the same thing when the pain of your own loss is still that fresh.

On a rather funny note, we got lost going there. Twice. It was the one location we had been to several times before and yet, we still managed to miss the turnoffs. Zach, who is frustratingly polite driving most of the time, actually got honked at twice pushing his way into traffic trying to get there. We had to laugh. In direct contrast to Zach, his dad’s aggressive driving was legendary. He seemed to enjoy making passengers squirm and was honked at regularly. Frankly, we were amazed he died of natural causes and not a car wreck. We figured the honkers had his dad’s eyes twinkling with his amused smirk in heaven. lol.

After the service, we went out to his Dad’s house, about a half an hour into the Hill Country near a big lake. The area sort of reminded me of the Sand Hills that are South and East of Hutchinson, and my Maternal grandparent’s home place. Well, except that there were gates here, but they weren’t to keep the cattle in. lol.

Zane and Zach took a long walk around the property to really look at what Jim had done. Jim had designed a myriad of intertwining paths and “rivers” of rock. Zane wanted to walk the maze of rocks and so he and Zach spent a good amount of time just enjoying the intricacies of the landscaping. Zane picked a rock out that he really liked and brought it home with him. It sits in a place of honor in his room. Here he is showing it to the camera.

The pool was just beautiful and the center of the action for much of the day. Jim designed every aspect of it.

The tree he was planting. When we were at the viewing one of their neighbors came over and planted it so that nobody would have to come home to it still being undone. What a thoughtful neighbor.

On the side table next to his chair in the bedroom.

Landscaping binds the generations together in Zach’s family. A lot of Zach’s memories of his dad growing up are going with him and doing landscaping. His grandpa also did a lot of gardening, grew an orchard, and was always working with the landscaping with Zach too. This yard was a challenge to him because he had never worked in this kind of environment. I think it is easy to see he was a master, and his yard was his masterpiece.

I overheard somebody say that firepit was the first thing he built when he started landscaping this property. It is at the back of the property and opens out to wild land. It is so peaceful sitting out there.

Most of Jim’s grandkids were there that day, so we gathered them up and tried to get a picture. The first pictures are before Rocco was brought into the picture. Sloan is the only one I see missing. (in one of my previous posts, she is the one in the raspberry stripped Hannah Andersson dress, going down the slide)

From left to right: Zane, Zora, Soren, Tirzah, Noah, Brenna. In front later is Rocco.

posted in Autistic Life, Death, Extended Family, Papo (Z's Dad) & Grammie, San Antonio, Zach | Comments Off

30th October 2008

Thursday night, after the viewing

We went back to the hotel to change Zane out of his formal clothes. When we walked in, I felt so bad for the sitter. She was used to San Antonio temperatures, and we had cranked the A/C because we were sweating when we were trying to get ready. She was freezing under her stack of blankets. We talked with her a while, and she said she would come to the memorial service to watch the kids again.

After she left, we tried to connect with family to see where people were eating, but couldn’t get in touch with anybody. We headed out and saw a “Macaroni Grill” just a few doors down from the hotel and remembered that we used to love eating there in Wichita (before they closed) so it seemed like a good place to stop. We didn’t have any toys with us, but with butcher paper and crayons, we could entertain the kids pretty easily.

It was good to sit peacefully after the whirlwind we had been through. Zach wanted to sit in between the kids and draw for/with them. It was so sweet. The server was great, and by the end of the meal, we were all happy and full.

With the several servers we had met at the viewing, we couldn’t help but wonder if there were servers here who knew him. It was along the route between home and work and it was Italian Food. I’d bet that he had at least been there. lol.

posted in San Antonio, The Kids, Zach | Comments Off

30th October 2008

Hearing the News & Getting There

It was Monday night, 8:30pm or so.  It was the “witching hour” where we are trying to round everybody up for bed, just a bit on the late side that night and the kids were that overtired crazy they get when they need to go to bed.  I picked up the phone, and a business-like voice asked for Zach.  I assumed it was his work because they were starting the move from the old facility to the brand new (in fact, not totally finished…some areas are still “hard hat only” areas) and Zach is the go-to guy for computer stuff, especially oddball problems.  Zach quickly went downstairs, away from the melee, to have his conversation, but that just “confirmed” my thought that it was work.  I will never forget the look on his face as he walked the last few steps up the stairs back into the living room a few minutes later.  I sit here with tears rolling down my face remembering it.  He stuttered out that it was Hayden and Dad was dead, and was choking back tears.  That is when the world started spinning. 

After holding each other for a while, I told him to call his mom and let her know.  (his Dad and his wife celebrated 30 years, so the divorce happened shortly before their marriage).  For the next few days, we were almost always on at least one phone, but often two phones and the other one would start ringing.  We have prepaid cell phones that had barely been used up until this week, but we had to keep adding money to keep them going over and over again because they were seeing such heavy use.  

Zach didn’t really start crying hard until he had to tell his mom.  I was on the phone with Zach’s best friend (very close friend of mine after all of these years too) and was telling him what was going on.   I wasn’t going to have him come over that late, until I heard Zach start sobbing, big heaving sobs on the phone with his mom, and Robert said he would be right over.  It was so good to have him here.  For a while we considered having him come along with us, but realized that wasn’t the best idea for us or him.  It was nice of him to offer to come with us though.

A few more phone calls with Amber and Kirsten and we discovered that nobody there had numbers for Zach’s Aunts, Jim’s sisters.  They were considering sending messages via facebook out of desperation, but I told them to give me a bit and see if I could find them.  I knew we had addresses, but when I looked in my Palm Pilot, there wasn’t a phone number there for Sandy.  I started googling and came up with a number in the same town, with her dh’s name and called.  Wrong person.  (that was fun).  Then I googled Joyce and  went to compare addresses, discovered I did have Joyce’s number and called her.  That was one of the hardest phone calls I have ever had to make.  She said she would call Sandy.  After a while, I posted on my blog.  Much to my horror, that is how some of the cousins found out.  (it was late and, thinking they had gone to sleep, Sandy was going to tell them in the morning)  I think it was meant to be though because the chance of them seeing it when they did is just amazing.

One or the other of us was on the phone almost the whole time until past midnight.  I tried to rent a van, but the first one that was available was Thursday evening.  We called airlines and quickly realized that wasn’t a possibility for us.  (besides the fact that there have been multiple stories of autistic kids being kicked off planes and I knew Zane was not going to handle a plane ride well under this kind of stress) and I knew I could not handle it if that happened.  It would break me. At about 1am, we realized the kids were still up and put them to bed.

Our first big decision was whether or not to take the kids with us.  At first, we thought about leaving them here.  My parents would watch them.  Since this family doesn’t see each other often, and Hayden and Amber were bringing their kids (and the other siblings live in San Antonio area) we decided to bring the kids because it might be a while before we meet up with everybody again.  A few people in the family had met Zane, but nobody had met Zora.  If anything good was going to come out of this, at least they could meet our kids.

My parents immediately said that they would loan us the money we needed to rent a van, and mom said she would come up the next day to help me shop.  I had an outfit, and Zach had work clothes and a sportscoat, but when I pulled the summer clothes back out, all of Zora’s clothes were bright and cheerful, and the only remotely sedate clothing was meant for cold Kansas winters, not warm San Antonio.  (it was still in the 80s there).  Zane had some stuff, but needed shoes that weren’t bright green crocs.  Both had outgrown their summer church shoes. We ended up getting Zane a sportscoat, which seemed appropriate because almost all the pictures Zach has of him and his dad has Zach in a sportscoat just like his Dads.  We found some stuff on clearance for Zora (summery, but more sedate).

I also needed new make-up. I realized that most of my make-up was left over from my wedding. I would buy new mascara and eye liner when I needed to wear make-up, but I know the last time I tried to use the eye shadow the little sponge brushes literally disintegrated in the make up when I tried to put it on. It was time.

Tuesday, I spent the morning trying, again, to find a car to rent in Wichita sooner.  I was hoping for a van, but there was nothing.  Mom came up and we took Zora and went shopping, and Zach stayed home with Zane, next to the phone, talking to family as plans firmed up and trying to get a car sooner because the viewing was moved to Thursday instead of Friday. 

Eventually, Zach got a Hertz agent to understand what was going on and they started working on their end to get a car into Wichita ASAP.  We were willing to drive to surrounding towns, but Wichita was the main hub in this area for cars and nothing else was available either.  We think they called down to KC and brought a van from there (it had MO plates) and they said they would try and get it to us by noon on Wednesday.  It was clear they were pulling strings and really going the extra mile because every time they located a possible car, they would call to see if it was ok…the first was a 2 seater, but strapping the kids to the roof seemed like a bad idea.

It was weird to go shopping in a rush like that, but we always feel so…I don’t know…inadequate, around that family.  We always feel like the poor relatives and that feels really yucky.  I know that we aren’t as dirt poor as we once were, and it shouldn’t have mattered to me (and I am sure that it didn’t matter to them), but I already have to walk into that crowd as the fat one (I hate how I look…HATE.IT.  My hair is ugly, my body is ugly, and I feel so freakin’ frumpy.), and that couldn’t be changed in an afternoon, but at least my kids could look nice. 

I shouldn’t have felt that way.  It was a fear that I realized was totally unfounded when I got there.  Everybody was warm and welcoming and I knew instantly that nobody there cared one iota what we were wearing, they just cared that we were there.  It’s weird what fears and insecurities come up when facing stuff like this though.  

Between the time we found out on Monday evening until Thursday night after the viewing, I had a total of *maybe* 6 hours of sleep.  I found I just couldn’t sleep.  I couldn’t even sleep in the van on the way there either.  On Tuesday night I sent Zach to bed so he would be awake to drive and I stayed up packing. 

Packing was very erratic.  I couldn’t make decisions and ended up packing pretty much every weather appropriate outfit we own, all of our toiletries (including bandaids and some first aid stuff that actually came in handy) and a very strange selection of toys for the kids.  I packed snacks for the kids and even had stuff like spoons for yogurt and knives for peanut butter.  I packed and packed and packed.  You would think we were moving.  lol.  Luckily, we don’t actually own very many clothes, so it fit easily into the van.  We went to Germany for two weeks with one carry-on rolling suitcase each, the computers in Zach’s briefcase, and my purse.  That was it.  We had enough room in them to buy several bags of stuff there and have it fit in our luggage.  We left for a 4 day trip to San Antonio with enough stuff to live there for a year. 

The drive itself was long and hard, but the van was nice.  We left Wichita at about 2pm, discussing how we were going to get around in San Antonio (we printed off 1 google map and forgot to print anything else) and, despite the fact we have lived in Wichita the majority of our adult life, turned the wrong way on the interstate.  About 25 miles out, we saw a sign giving mileage to Kansas City and realized our mistake and turned around.  How on earth we managed to do that, we have no idea.  I joked with mom that maybe angels turned us around to keep us out of an accident.  

A few hours later, as we were getting ready to enter Oklahoma City, they were talking about a major pile up that had occurred on I-35.  I started watching for the location and realized, when I saw it, it was about an hour from where we were when it happened…had we not taken the hour detour, we might have been in the middle of it.  Maybe it really was angels.

The kids actually did reasonably well on the drive.  Zane played his DS and Zora, somehow, managed to entertain herself with the oddball contents of her “sparkle purse” (she puts helicopters, cars, dollhouse dolls and other odds and ends in there) and singing at the top of her lungs.  We stopped at fast food places with those play structures (even a stand alone chick-fil-a…I had never seen one of those outside a mall, so that was odd) and let the kids stretch their legs while we ate, and then they ate when we got back in the van.  We also discovered a magical concoction of extra caffinated coffee for Zach.

We rolled into San Antonio at around 3:30 or so, and it took several misturns to figure out how to get to the hotel.  We could see it, but we couldn’t figure out how to get to it for a while.  We unloaded everything and set the room up for the kids to be more comfortable because everybody was too wound up to just go to sleep.

We slept a few hours, then dragged ourselves out of bed for breakfast downstairs, and met up with Joyce and Dan at breakfast.

posted in Autistic Life, Death, Extended Family, Friends, Papo (Z's Dad) & Grammie, San Antonio, The Kids, Zach | Comments Off

22nd October 2008

Dad

Zach has very few pictures from his childhood, but here are a few:

posted in Papo (Z's Dad) & Grammie, Zach | 1 Comment

22nd October 2008

The next few days

We finally got a person at Hertz that was willing to help find us a car before Thursday so we could get there on time. We leave Wed at noon, or earlier if they are able to get a van/car/whatever seats 4 people here sooner.

The visitation/viewing is on Thursday evening
The Burial is on Friday morning, a military burial
The Memorial Service is on Saturday morning at the church

The hotel is supposed to have free wifi, so I should be able to check messages and maybe post if I feel up to it.

If anybody wants a link to the funeral home obituary, leave a note. If I already know you, I will send you the link. If you know my mom, she has the link too.

posted in Death, Papo (Z's Dad) & Grammie, Stress, Zach | 1 Comment

  • Zane's age

  • Zane is 22 years, 3 months, and 1 day old
  • Zora's age

  • Zora is 18 years, 3 months, and 5 days old
  • Random Quote

  • Yes he will out grow it, after a certain age people will stop thinking they can control how he thinks and acts, so it won’t be a problem anymore. — (on autism) ShaggyDaddy (MDC)

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